Covered in His dust

What if we prayed...

2012-01-11T12:29:00.003-05:00

I was continuing to read in Prodigal God last night, a book that has astounded me with insights into the story of the Lost Son in Luke 15. Here's another thought that got me seriously thinking.

The oldest son strived to please himself. He remained loyal to his father, not out of love for him, but with a mindset of thinking "Loyalty will get me what I want." How often do we approach God with that mindset? How often do we worship him in order to get the blessings we feel we deserve? I know I often find hidden motives in many of the things I pray for.

What if we instead prayed and asked God to show us what would please him most in any situation? What if our aim, our desire even was to please God before pleasing ourselves? How much different might our lives look? I will say this much, praying such would be dangerous because we might be led to places our flesh does not want to go. Praying such might mean being humbled, trading away things that we want in order to give to others the things they need.

When faced with those choices, in praying to please God and not ourselves, would we still follow or would we turn and walk away, as the rich young ruler did? (Matthew 19:16-30, Mark 10:17-31, and Luke 18:18-30)

Picking up where I left off

2012-01-03T20:30:00.002-05:00

I'm not one for new years resolutions or believing that the start of a new year means a new beginning. The calendar starts over sure, but everything else is a continuation.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure where to resume. Whenever I spend quiet time I still feel overwhelmed by questions, and feeling tugs from the Spirit. The tugs I'm working on acting towards (some deal with this upcoming summer). Living out of suitcases the next few days also has me more scatterbrained than I would have thought. Hoping to move into the new apt this weekend, but I now have to find another roommate.

Caught up in so many changes and even within all the chaos I'm taking solace in Habakkuk 1:5: "Look at the nations and watch, and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

Some recent prayers answered

2011-12-14T23:53:00.005-05:00

The past month has been a whirlwind that saw me in Atlanta Georgia for the National Missionary Convention, up in Pamlico County helping with clean-up efforts from Hurricane Irene, and also preparing to move out while seeking a new roommate and apartment.

This semester I've been challenged in more ways than I ever previously would have imagined. I've come to realize that I have to seek solely from God the joy that I need to remain encouraged, joy to remain positive, and joy to fuel my trust in him to provide. I've come to realize a lot of heart issues, areas where I was hurt deeply in the past, and insecurities I still have today because of those wounds. I want to spend Christmas break heavy in prayer which I've found provides peace as of recent as Philippians 4:6-7 promises. I want to spend time listening, allowing God to speak words of healing into these wounds, and to become more reassured of the promises He's made, and to clearly see the blessings I still have, and often overlook.

Let me now share some recent prayers answered that have lifted immense weights off my shoulders and is allowing me to return to my more positive self:

1) God has provided a living situation for the spring semester! In moving out as Bryan and I head in different directions living wise, my biggest need was to find a roommate because every 1 bedroom apt I was finding was out of my budget as a ministry intern who raises his own support through the partners God brings to my side. As of this week I've found a roommate through craigslist, a man who also loves God, wants to be in ministry long term and desires to grow in his walk with Him. He's moving from Oklahoma here to NC. We've had several conversations on the phone, and also video skyped to allow each of us to get to know each other more. I've also met his girlfriend who lives here, and she's also a cool sister of the faith. We'll move in together around the end of January into an apt. We're leaning towards a condo I know is owned by some friends at the church I attend, but we're still finalizing details.

2) I've been asking God to take away areas of pride in me, and to erase expectations of entitlement. Specifically I refer to expecting friends who I deeply care about to care about me in return or to desire to hang with me, as I desire to hang with them. I've come to realize that this entitlement is not something I should expect. Friends are a blessing from God and I should trust in Him to bring friends alongside me who He will use to be a joy to me, and myself a joy to them. And even as some of my friendships change, I myself am changing too. And God is reconciling the differences that have risen between my friends and I. This is all still a work in progress but something I'm praying to see more of God working in me to change.

Seeing these being answered encourages me and draws me closer to God through quiet times.

A story that blows my mind (Part 2)

2011-11-24T19:55:00.003-05:00

In my last post, I broke down one of my favorite stories and shared thoughts I've been chewing on this semester. I'd like to continue that for one more post.

We were looking at the story of the Lost Son, aka the Prodigal Son. I've been reading a book called "Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller that a good friend of mine got at a bargain sale. I've wanted to read the book for 2 years now. It's been a really good read so far. I'd recommend it.

Last post I focused on the younger son, and now I want to focus on the older son.

In the story we discover this about him:
-He felt like a servant, and not like a son (notice he never addressed his father as father)
-He was consumed by a life of duty, and toil, with no joy
-He had never experienced real grace, and like the rest of us, believed in "eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" system of justice.

Jesus told this story to an audience, half of which consisted of Pharisees. The older brother represented the Pharisees, and sadly I believe the older brother represents many Christians today. Not experiencing the joy of the Lord, they are slaves to serving God because they are supposed to, not out of any true desire to bring Him glory.

This semester one UNCW student and I have had many conversations on various road trips and many of them have revolved around grace. We confess that often we feel like we aren't doing enough, we aren't being Christian enough to be at peace with God. And it is peace that we are seeking.

But peace and reconciliation cannot be found by working for them. Grace is a gift and therefore must be received as a free gift. Romans 1-8 breaks this down.

And so we wrestle with receiving God's grace and resisting the human nature to save ourselves by our own means. We remind ourselves that Jesus calls us friends, and God calls us sons.

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15

Father I pray that you would be revealed to the millions of servants around the globe who faithfully serve you, but know you not as their Father. I pray that they would realize the good gifts you offer, and the grace you provide. That you accept us as we are, and not for what we do. In the name of your son Jesus I pray, Amen.

A story that blows my mind (Part 1)

2011-11-14T14:55:00.001-05:00

This fall I've been dwelling on grace a lot, and a lot of my thinking centers around the story in Luke 15:11-32. Some call it the Lost Son, others the Prodigal Son. I myself think it should be called the Prodigal Father. Prodigal means extravagant, just in case you didn't know.

Instead of summarizing I'd encourage you to read the story in your Bible, or you can read it here.

The story amazes me for several reasons

1) The father is waiting for his son to return, even though he was considered dead to his son. Once he sees him returning, he runs to him, which in the days of Jesus would have been humiliating for a man of his status to do.

2) The son comes in repentance and asks to be a servant of his father. The father instead takes him back as his son, and extravagantly shows his love as a father by asking for the best robe, shoes, and a ring to be put on him. He also throws a huge celebration, killing the fattened calf. Now my friend Ryne pointed this out to me. The fattened calf would have only been used for a community wide celebration, a block party if you will. To use the calf for anything less was to waste an enormous amount of meat. But this is what the father does.

3) When the other son returns and finds the celebrating going on, he becomes jealous and demands to know why his father's son (note he refuses to acknowledge him as his brother) deserves such treatment.

God's grace isn't fair. Let me repeat, God's grace isn't fair. Think about that, and let the implications sink in. Check out Matthew 20:1-16 and don't be afraid to think and feel that some of the workers got a raw deal.

We don't deserve God's grace, but that is what he offers us. The same grace he offers to us, he offers to all, even those we think don't deserve it. Even to our most hated enemies. Even to Osame Bin Laden and Adolph Hitler.

There are times where I feel as the younger son. I know I have turned from God, but cannot fathom the grace he offers me. And there are times where I feel like the older son but I'll get to that in the next post in a few days...

Demolishing Concepts of Prayer

2011-10-11T11:53:00.004-04:00

September 23-25th we took our students on a fall retreat to a camp near the mountains and joined students from NC State, ECU, and UNC Chapel Hill. The theme for the weekend was Worship in Unexpected Places. Our speaker, Neal Alligood, a former campus minister at NC State, shared about worshiping God at different moments in our lives.

During the retreat, I also led a breakout session that students could choose to come to, and shared some thoughts on prayer. Over the past 3 years, I've been really passionate about speaking on, teaching on and leading prayer ministry. For the first half of the workshop, I set about to in some ways demolish how the students viewed prayer. Instead of focusing on what they're praying about, I encouraged them to focus on who they're praying to. We looked at passages of scripture where ordinary men encountered God and they're reaction was fear and awe.

I also asked students "What would their prayer lives look like if they didn't ask God for anything?" For many, they said they wouldn't have a reason to pray. I defined prayer for students as "realizing that we are in the presence of God." Because God is always with us, but we aren't aware of it. How we respond once we're aware I believe is prayer, whether its worship, praising Him, thanking Him, listening to Him, pouring out our hearts to Him, etc.

Don't you want to have a richer prayer time with God? A time where you're eager to pray and might even go for hours on end? Seek to discover more of who God is, and seek to spend as much time with Him as you can, without treating Him like a vending machine and going to him when you want something.

Let's save ourselves some trouble

2011-09-15T21:38:00.002-04:00

One sin caused a 3rd of the angels to rise up in rebellion, leading to a civil war that since spilled out of heaven and onto all of creation.

The same sin led God to disrupt the work of a tower constructed to reach into the very heavens, scattering the people into different nations and languages.

The same sin also led man to reject what God offered as good, and ushered in the greatest fall of all, the separation of creation from creator.

The desire to be of equal footing with God.

Satan desired to be above God. The people who built the tower of Babel strived to be seated on the same playing field as God. Adam and Eve both ate of the forbidden tree to be “like God knowing good and evil.”

Created trying to become the creator. God is God for a reason. How on earth or in heaven above could we be God, when we can’t even begin to comprehend him? And if somehow we could, “A comprehended God is no God at all.” Gerhard Tersteegen. I can comprehend how to make a peanut butter and honey sandwhich, but not even touch how God works.

Why do we as humans strive for that which we cannot be?

I believe its because as humans, we despise having something over us that we can’t control, something we can’t influence. We want control of our own destiny; to be the one to make the rules, decide how things go. Except none of us are perfect, no matter how hard we try, we cannot give out perfect justice. We can’t even provide food and clean water to the rest of our own world.

Although it goes against our human nature, we are better off trusting in God. Trusting in his justice, in his order of things. After all we didn’t set the earth in motion, or establish the various cycles found in nature.

Let’s let God be God and save ourselves the trouble of trying to be divine.

Might need a dog to answer this

2011-09-02T08:25:00.003-04:00

The past three weeks I've been waking up most mornings and doing some daily devotional reading out of Crazy Love by Francis Chan. This is my second time going through the book, this time I'm reading tidbits and meditating on them.

Last night and this morning I've spent some time looking at how "God is all powerful." This is something I know yes, but Crazy Love took a different angle and asked this question, do we recognize his authority over us?

How often I question the way God works, how often I expect him to accomplish something in a different way. How often I ask why must my plans come to ruin?

He is God. He was not created for me, but I was created for him.

"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Colossians 1:16

It's the difference between cat and dog theology as I call it (taken from a great book by Bob Sjogren). Are we a cat (believing God exists to serve us) or are we a dog (believing God exists for us to serve him)?

But even as I try to be a "dog Christian" and live a life that is all about God, I find myself in conflict with Matthew 7:9-12. Where does one draw the line with receiving for oneself and giving to the glory of his owner? I've essentially spent the past two years pondering this very question. I can't say that I've made any progress.

Maybe I should just get a dog, and spend my time observing how he goes about this.

Dynamic Community

2011-08-09T21:51:00.004-04:00

Sorry for the blogging hiatus recently. Been on the road, here and there, been in the middle of leaving my job at Bluewater to transition into a ministry internship with Campus Christian Fellowship at UNC-W, and just busy with life in general! But here's something I was chewing on earlier as I sat on the beach around sunset watching the waves crash on the shore...

Been dwelling a lot on community lately. On what dynamic community looks like. Earlier just before hitting the beach, a friend and I went over to Port City Community Church to see if Overflow (a college ministry that meets weekly) was happening. We got there to find a few cars in the parking lot but locked doors and no one in the lobby. We decided to wait because we were 20 minutes early. Three other people showed up and waited with us, all hoping Overflow was happening tonight, but none of us having been for a few weeks to know if it was still happening while classes were out.

Eventually a lady came to the door and let us know that Overflow was off this week but happening again next week. Even though we hadn't been connected for a few weeks we all showed up, knowing Overflow happens on Tuesdays at 7.

That's a dynamic community. We weren't told by friends, reminded by twitter, fb, or email. We were free to come, and came hoping to find it happening and join in. Community fueled by desire, not by reminders of "come out tonight."

So while on the beach I turned to Acts 2:42-47 a passage I could quote you by now as many times I read it at ECU while a part of their CCF. But this time I noticed something new. Instead of seeing what the church did, I finally took notice of the effect.

"Everyone was filled with awe...all the believers were together and had everything in common...every day, they continued to meet together in the temple courts, they ate bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people."

Is your community filled with awe? Are your people together, desiring to come together? Are they sincere? Glad? Captivating the attention of the people around them?

If not, then they need to see what the early church was devoted to. That's the formula to follow.

To the ends of the earth (Iceland?)

2011-07-12T20:30:00.002-04:00

Jesus I believe in you
And I would go
To the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you
Alone are Song of God
And all the world will see
That you are God
That you are God
"To the ends of the earth"-Hillsong

Here at UNC-W CCF has been praying for countries through Operation World. We started a couple of years ago and have currently prayed for every country through Ireland (Began alphabetically). One of the countries we prayed for this past spring really jumped out at me.

Iceland.

It's remote. No one ever thinks about it. The same goes for Greenland, Canada, and Alaska. Remote places so north that they never cross most people's mind, and when they do, they come with the tagline "Why would you want to go there? It's frigid."

And yet I found out there is a great need in Iceland...

Within Iceland, there exists a significant Buddhist population among the Thai,Northeastern people groups. There less than 2% of the population are Christians. Also there exists no complete Bible translation for either groups.

I can't say why God has laid these people on my heart but He has. I can't say whether I'm called to reach them long term, short term, or to help support work there, but this is something I'm beginning to pray about and research. When I consider God's heart for the nations, I cannot ignore the people of Iceland.

I'm starting by researching Iceland's history and culture. While I do that, I'm also going to begin looking for any organizations that are seeking to meet the need there.

I'm not sure where this will take me, or how all this fits in with my heart for college students, but I'm going to be praying to find out.

How does one teach on prayer?

2011-06-15T23:31:00.002-04:00

Watching a young child is so fascinating. Do they come into the world with a clean blank slate or already intelligent and already hardwired on some basic levels waiting for their body to catch up? One of the few questions that I recollect from Developmental Psychology 4 years ago, a class that proved almost too much for me. I can't say which is true, but this I know, a small child learns by mimicking others.

Talking, walking, eating, opening a door, all actions that are seen verbally or heard and imitated over time. Learning by doing.

How do you teach someone to pray who has never really prayed before? I would say the same way you teach a child how to talk or walk. You spend lots of time around them in the act of walking and talking or praying.

We have scripture yes, Matthew 6 tells us prayer should be personal, not at all flashy or religious. Luke 11 shows us that the disciples did not understand prayer, they needed to be taught. We learn there too that prayer should not be wordy, drawn out, but sincere, honest, and expressionate. And we see in John that our prayer should be a conversation, sharing our heart and hearing God's heart in reply. Prayer should be listening.

But even still all these teachings can fail to make a connection when the receiver has never grown up around the terminology or seen prayer as habitual.

I find then that prayer must be taught by example. This spring I've been drawn together with a student here at UNC-W who not very long ago encountered God and decided to pledge his life. As I'm guiding him through scripture and showing him the way, I've also been modeling prayer.

I started by praying with him as often as possible, allowing him to hear my prayers, to see prayer as a habit for me. Then I slowly began to ask him to pray. First as we were alone, then later in public before our meal. I've asked him to pray in group settings, all this of which he first approached nervously and with a "not sure what I'm doing but ok I'll give it a try" mindset.

He's made progress. He's growing more comfortable with praying in public and is beginning to volunteer to pray for others. We're still just beginning with everything it means to follow Christ, but one thing is clear to me which I have learned in this. The Way can only be taught so much, but really, it must be shown through our actions and how we live our lives.

Got [Blank]_?

2011-05-17T19:02:00.004-04:00

Sitting on the back deck this late lazy May afternoon, I gaze up through a tree, though I'm not taking in the tree at all. My eyes don't even catch the clouds in the sky above rolling by. Coming out here after watching some television episodes on Netflix, I decide to enjoy the remainder of the beautiful afternoon before the sun sets. I bring my Bible with me, and after flipping it open, I began reading Psalm 39-40. Different verses speak to me, and I store them away as little treasures.

But as I sit here, having read, outwardly I'm looking up at the sky, but in reality I am looking deep within me, struck by several realizations.

If this moment were captured in a single snapshot, one would describe it as perfect. And yet I know there is only peace on the surface. Within me needs, insecurities, hopes, and dreams all wait, anticipation building, but for now smothered by contentment.

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. Psalm 40:17

As men, we are taught to be self sufficient. Expected to live independently and by our own means, reliant upon nothing. And yet David, a man after God's own heart, is found all throughout Psalms crying out for God. In Psalm 42, David poetically describes his need for God like that of a deer that pants for water. David, a king, who had everything he wanted, still needed something more.

While I live, and work for the food that I eat, pay for the shelter over my head and other expenses, I still have needs that can only be met by the Father. And when I try to find purpose, and fulfillment of my own provision, I become miserable, a shell empty and hollow.

We see this captured in Jesus, who fasted for 40 days and afterward said "Man does not live on bread alone." We see this in Messiah who often went off to lonely places and prayed, who had no place to lay his head. He knows what we all must know, that we must draw close to God, to receive what we truly need. His life, in us.

Maybe this is the secret Paul referred to knowing when he wrote "I have learned the secret of being content in every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12

A Jealous God

2011-04-30T00:50:00.004-04:00

The other week I was having a conversation with Matt about Genesis 3. We'd been looking at sin, how Adam and Eve responded when they sinned, how God responded, and began to dive into the consequences etc. As I was talking with Matt I explained how in the story we can tell that God was angry with Adam and Eve.

Throughout the Bible, God's response to sin is anger and wrath. He does this because he sees his creation rejecting him. With God, his anger is righteous, deserving. Where as we often think of anger as an emotion we shouldn't hold within us (James 1:19 encourages us to be slow to anger, and Ephesians 4 tells us not to hold any anger within us) anger can be righteous as we see with God (See John 2:13-22).

God is also a jealous God which is where my conversation with Matt went next. Again we saw an emotion accredited to God which we normally think of in negative terms. God is called jealous? Say what?

As I was talking with Matt I felt that there was a distinction where there was a good form of jealousy and a sinful form. Glen later filled in the picture which I had the frame for. Jealousy is desiring something that you should have. Envy is desiring something that doesn't belong to you. A man should be jealous for his wife, and a wife jealous for her husband. God is jealous for us, because he created us, and is the only being worthy of our worship.

And thus we sing "He is jealous for me." We have to be careful to realize what is ours and what is not, because in that determines whether we are in sin or in righteousness. I found myself full of envy this past week, and it threatened to tear apart some friendships I'd made. I realized by the grace of God that I was wrong in that, and I've since repented and reconciled the differences and the situation.

I pray that you will be jealous for your time with God daily, and jealous to see him receive Glory!

Praises and Prayer! And imported Cherry Sun Drop

2011-04-11T16:31:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone!

First I'd like to share that I will be moving forward with an internship with Glen Titus, the campus minister here at UNC-W beginning next fall! I will be joining Glen alongside Chris Brandenburg (A graduating NC State Student) as one of two interns here! I am beyond excited to be taking the next step in my discipleship and being discipled more with regards to leadership and ministry!

I will begin the year-long internship in August. Meanwhile I will continue working at Bluewater Grill and Restaurant over at Wrightsville Beach until the end of July. Some days I go into Bluewater a little frustrated because I'm thinking about how I'd rather be meeting with students and having more intentional conversations about Jesus. Other days I enjoy working there and sharing my life with my co-workers. The experience is what I wanted it to be though, I'm learning how to interact with people who aren't living for the kingdom.

Praise God for:
Fellowship-Bryan and I hosted a potluck dinner here and most of CCF came and brought food. It was a great night of fellowship, building unity and many of us went out to the beach later were we walked for about an hour and talked/laughed more.

Wingmen-I've been especially excited to see the Guys becoming wingmen for each other, watching each others' backs, supporting one another, and growing to trust one another and be vulnerable.

A friend who made it safely to Africa where she is moving into a new phase in her life as she brings glory to God abroad and makes him famous there.

Cherry Sun Drop-I requested some through Tate's family to be repaid fincancially and they delivered 4 cases free of charge out of their love, and I've yet to meet them in person. God is good!

Please be in prayer for:
Pre-internship items. I have to figure out a budget of how much support I will need on a monthly basis to support myself. I also have to begin preparing and sending out letters for support, and seek from God to provide out of his love and the love of others the financial means to step into an internship. Thankfully after the past three months, I've seen God prove himself to be faithful as I came to Wilmington so I'm more capable of trusting in him now for this aspect.

Maintain a good attitude at Bluewater. I find myself constantly proving myself and showing that I know the duties of the job, gaining the trust of my co-workers etc.

Prayer discipleship-I've come alongside of a student who is new to the faith here at UNC-W and I've been seeking to help him take up a regular life of prayer and become comfortable praying. He's never spent much time before so often his prayers are very short and awkward. Pray that he will continue to get to know God better and find prayer to be a sweet spot for fellowship with Him and a source of peace as I do.

Stepping Out-Pray for the men here to take more hold of the calling God has placed in our lives and we would continue to step up more as leaders and especially examples in the ministry.

Kicking myself right now

2011-03-27T01:18:00.003-04:00

I've been haunted by a question recently. It's come about through my quiet times, through worship, through a recent trip to NC State where a friend and I joined their CCF for worship one night, and through a documentary I watched earlier tonight called "Beware of Christians."

Click here for the website where you can also find a trailer. It's not out officially yet, but I have DVD copies. They did an advance screening at UNC-W.

"Am I truly following Christ?" I declare that I am, and voice such as my religious views. I avoid the Christian term, because so many claim to be Christian but don't truly believe or live out the life style. But deep down, I know at best I'm only playing at following Christ. I see what he calls me to, but I lay back and say I'll take action later. I'm finding myself not being transformed in any way.

No wonder so many people in the world look at the Christian life and keep walking down the street. I reflect on my own face in the mirror and ask myself "Is this the life one man came to die for, to set me free to live?" Somewhere in the past year or so, I've misplaced the consuming fire, the abandon I lived with before. I was realizing earlier how where I am now in life and ministry is a dream come true situation wise. And yet I've not truly taken advantage of it! Aside from working to support myself (and even there I can let loose and shine) I'm free to be follow the Spirit as I feel him willing!

I'm mentally and spiritually kicking myself for remaining passive with this gift God has given me (I consider the gift above the opportunity). Well I'm waking up now, and once again I'm tearing off the clothes of mediocrity I spiritually find myself wearing.

I'm looking for a return to basics, with less emphasis on deep doctrinal study, and more emphasis on simply living, and looking hard at scripture and what that means for my life.

Will you join me?

God provides

2011-03-19T21:37:00.004-04:00

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" Matthew 6:25

Back at the end of last fall, after a process taking several years, I came to a decision of where I would go, what I would do. Within there was reason to answer the why.

Now there is a how.

Friday night, the culmination of many prayers prayed upon my knees, requests made to many friends, ministers, and nights spent in anxious waiting came to a conclusion with a simple phone call. A call that offered me a position with a local upscale restaurant here in Wilmington, a call that has now provided the financial means for me to continue in ministry here.

The journey to this point required more risk than I'd previously undertaken. Risk that meant total reliance upon God, or certain failure. Risk that required me to push all my chips forward and on the line. Thankfully God is a provider in our greatest time of need.

Now all the closed doors I previously found are clear. The other places I applied to that continually dragged their feet with considering applications I now know was divine provision that led me to the opportunity before me.

And a close friend also received employment at the same restaurant. Considering we applied and interviewed together, the odds of this were slim, even more evidence of the Spirit's provision in this matter.

Coming to Wilmington required me to go out on a limb of faith, trusting God wanted me here after receiving confirmation. God has since proven faithful, and my trust in him has increased.

Where is God found?

2011-03-16T09:43:00.003-04:00

Since the second generation from creation, men have needed to call on the name of the Lord (Genesis 4:26). Since then we've needed to pursue him to find him. "God's presence is everywhere, but why can I not find him, and stand in his presence?" Because our paths wandered away from him. Our hearts turned away from worshiping a God who is creator, warrior, lover, and many other attributes. Our hearts turned to worshiping ourselves and seeking to satisfy our own desires.

We became so consumed with ourselves that God grieved even making us. He flooded the earth, wiping the slate clean, save for a few who followed his heart (Genesis 6-9). Men began to multiply again and we chose to build a tower to place ourselves in the heavens as high as God (Genesis 11:1-9), the desire that caused the first rebellion with Satan when he chose to rebel as God's holy angel (Isaiah 14:12-15).

Finding God requires setting aside ourselves.

"Why have we fasted, they say, and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?" Isaiah 58:3

Isaiah goes on to explain the words of the Lord. The people fast and seek God, but they turn on themselves. They seek him for their own means. Fasting is more than a discipline of setting something aside to spend time with God. Fasting is setting aside self, of placing God and his heart over anything else in our lives.

Isaiah 58 outlines that true fasting is caring for people the way God cares. Enough to take action. People like to remain ignorant of the downtrodden. I don't believe this is out of greed so much as it is to avoid the uncomfortableness of facing those less fortunate and being faced with a choice to change our agendas, to give up something so that others might have.

Truly finding God requires setting aside self. The friends I think of who are more filled with God's presence are those who have committed themselves to those less fortunate. Who allowed God to change their entire lives, their dreams, their careers, who follow Christ when he walks down a back alley, into the homeless shelters, to other countries where only bottled water is drinkable, electricity a rare commodity.

God is on the move, but if we set out to carry everything we currently own with us, continue to have our desires filled, well there's only so many places a Uhaul can go. God requires us to travel more lightly, promising to reward our hearts in due time if we will wait upon him.

Meaningful Ministry

2011-03-03T15:23:00.004-05:00

One of the major shifts for me in coming to work with CCF at UNC-W has been the size. At East Carolina last semester we averaged about 60 at Overflow, with multiple Guys and Girls small groups. Here numbers are significantly smaller.

But so far I've found myself enjoying the smaller numbers.

Guy's small group Tuesday featured two guys besides Bryan and myself. At ECU I would be discouraged to see such numbers because I'm used to an average of 5 guys besides leaders. Here it's been refreshing and rewarding. Tuesday night featured an amazing time of teaching, questions, discussions with everyone participating. But more than anything, Tuesday night was meaningful. We expanded the definition of sin as something that goes beyond breaking the 10 commandments. We compared mercy and grace, how we are saved by faith. We encountered a question that each of us has to think and pray about on our own the next week "How can be sure of the Bible? How can we explain to someone who's never trusted in the book before that they too can trust in it?"

Ministry can often get caught up in numbers and results, and yes there should be fruit, but is there meaningful fruit? Are there meaningful discussions, teaching, and discipleship happening? Meaningful lives being changed?

Appointments

2011-02-24T17:47:00.003-05:00

I was going through the pages in my journal yesterday and I found several instances of "I feel God calling me to work with college students." I can say that passion has only grown since writing those words.

This week another guy came to check out CCF. I got to know him and we shared a little bit of our stories. We're getting lunch tomorrow, and I believe he may become a regular. Separately Tate and I have both been led to go up and meet the same student from Crusade, about a week apart from each other. This blew our minds earlier as we exchanged on some happenings. God is us up to something there, I'm not sure what but those appointments and their leading by the spirit is too coincidental.

Just spent some quiet time reading through Ephesians in advance of small group next week. I'm so excited because we'll be unpacking what God's plan is about, and defining words like sin, and grace, while looking at some elements of our salvation.

Still applying for jobs. Completed some more applications today, including with Aramark on campus to work in serving food. Following up with another job tomorrow. Friends are helping with leads, but more than anything I'm praying often for God to provide the means.

Heading home this weekend for the first time since moving down here. Taking care of some errands, and leading some worship on Sunday. Somewhat nervous about that, but just asking that the music will glorify God, and resonate with the congregation.

State of War

2011-02-17T10:43:00.003-05:00

During the retreat over the weekend, we were blessed to have Mark Whited, a campus minister from Indiana come and speak to us. He shared the story of the Gospel, from creation, to corruption, to redemption and restoration. This week, I've been diving into the story of the Gospel as it's revealed through the Bible. I've been doing so because later today I'm starting a 1-1 Bible study with one of the students here at UNC-W and I'm going to be teaching him this story so he can understand more of the world he's stepped into with a recent decision to be baptized.

First think about a great story. Doesn't matter the tale, but pick one. Although I'm more partial to the story of Star Wars and the archetypes found there, let's together look at Titanic, something I think everyone has seen.

Beginning of the movie, there's celebration. The passengers board the boat, they set out for America, adventure, excitement, entertainment awaiting them along the way. It was good. But then tragedy happens, the boat collides with an iceberg, suffering cataclysmic damage. The passengers must now flee utopia, their world shattered. The remnant of those who make it through are ferried to land. Their lives are never the same.

Sound familiar? Their story aboard the ship, is our story in life. In Genesis 1-2 God created everything. It was good. There was utopia, purpose, balance within all of creation, intimacy with God. But tragedy entered the story. How do you interpret this next part? Do you say that Man chose against God? Do you start with the enemy coming in, leading man astray? How we choose to word this next part of the story says a lot about our point of view with Christianity, and how we look at ourselves.

Let me be clear on something, Man did choose against God, and Satan did lead man astray. But which is the more important aspect of the story? How did tragedy come about?

I believe tragedy entered when man believed in the lies of his enemy. We so often forget as Christians that we have an enemy, that we are still in a state of war. We become consumed with mastering ourselves and believing that we are bad, cursed, down to our very DNA. We forget that when God created us, he called us "Very Good."

This is where good news really becomes good news. God is not offering us something new, but offering us the ability to reclaim what was ours to begin with! When we become a new creation in Christ, our struggle is not so much with flesh and blood as it is against our accuser, who is furious, that we have changed our allegiance. Christ calls us to be holy and blameless (Ephesians 1:4), not to forever sulk in our guilt as our accuser would have us do.

We are at a state of war, but our enemy is not ourselves, nor largely our actions. If we are a new creation in Christ our enemy is Satan, the accuser, the dragon, the serpent, "a roaring lion who seeks someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." 1 Peter 5:8-9

The Next Step

2011-02-13T21:34:00.004-05:00

Let me start by saying I'm abandoning the series looking at the spiritual journey in Matthew 5. I tried to sit down the other week and work on the next segment, but my heart just wasn't in pursuing it further for now. I'd encourage you to look through the rest of Matthew 5:3-12 with the lens of taking the passage as steps of a spiritual journey to see for yourself what's there.

That said, let me share what has been on my heart.

New Community
I now find myself living in Wilmington, the culmination of a process that was 4 years in the making. I considered and prayed over many different courses of action and ultimately felt God had opened a door for me in ministry and community here. I received further confirmation of this though a night of worship and prophesying at the Boiler Room in Greenville. In brief, two different guys (unaware of my considerations at the time) both saw me in a port city, one ultimately that saw me going before Christ here, pointing people to him.

The opportunity to live with my roommate Bryan was one big reason. Living with a spiritual brother has already proven rewarding, just in being able to share in prayer, guard each others back, and to partner in ministry and life together.

Being able to stay around a college campus was also huge. God has given me a heart for campus ministry and spending this past weekend at a retreat reaffirmed that over and over, through the many conversations I had with students and seeing what God is doing in their lives. The chapter of CCF here at UNC-W is smaller than the chapter I was in at ECU. The chapter here also only has a handful of guys. But this past week I've been blessed to befriend one of the new guys coming to CCF and see him make a decision to rededicate his life to Christ. God is really stirring him on the inside, and God has placed him on my heart as someone to disciple along with the other guys here.

I'm seeking now to find employment as a means of covering the finances of living here and take that burden off my parents. I've also seen them come to ultimately support my decision to come, which has been a prayer answered.

Already I am being stretched and challenged in new ways, some of which I'll share with you as this journey I find myself on continues. Thanks for supporting me with encouragement, prayer, and following this blog. My prayer is the things I share challenge, sharpen, and encourage you.

Mourning-Spiritual Journey Part 2

2011-01-25T20:21:00.004-05:00

Last blog post I began to dive into Matthew 5:3-12 and look at how the passage outlines the spiritual journey we all must take as we grow and mature in Christ. It's not an end all comprehensive step by step process but I intend to outline some key signposts the passage reveals to me.

"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted"

Christ is about God who in all his holiness was separated from man because of sin, a poison that came in and eroded God's creation, man, and the relationship between all living things. Christ is about sacrifice, God who sent his son out of his love to die to make a way for restoration. Christ is not just forgiveness but even more so repentance.

Forgiveness means you recognize you got caught doing wrong and are sorry. Repentance is turning away, changing the direction one is headed in. As we come into contact with Christ, and his light pours into our lives, we should see the need for changes in our life. We should mourn our actions that aren't in obedience. That's conviction from the Holy Spirit who will indwell us when we come to Christ in faith and are baptized.

Conviction isn't the same as guilt however. Guilt brings doubt, negative feelings, worthlessness. Guilt takes away from confidence by saying we aren't capable of any better. Conviction shows us right and wrong and fuels us, affirming our beliefs and values. Conviction encourages while guilt discourages.

May the Holy Spirit convict you and lead you in the path of Christ, and may the Spirit bring you out from under guilt, which Satan will use to keep you hopeless.

Blessed are the poor in spirit

2011-01-13T13:50:00.004-05:00

Two weeks ago I started memorizing scripture again. A buddy of mine put together a plan to go through Matthew 5-7 which we studied through last fall in a Tuesday morning Bible study. I'm currently up to V13.

As I've been memorizing I've also been reflecting on the scripture. I spent several days on V3 where it says "Blessed are the poor in Spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
I somewhat puzzled over that one. The other verses between 3-12 follow this format of Blessed are __________ for ____________. One definition of blessed is means "to be better off" Looking at the passage as I whole, I see these character traits that we should be adopting, but then I go back to V3 where it says "Blessed are the poor in spirit" and I initially ask myself am I supposed to be poor in spirit as a lifestyle? What does that mean?

I've been discussing the passage and the verse with some friends down in Wilmington, and they shared something they noticed as they talked about it at one of their recent gatherings.

Look at V3-10 as a spiritual journey from start to end result. To truly begin to pursue God, die to self and take up our cross and follow him, we have to recognize our spiritual poverty without him. Everything else pales in comparison to living a life for Him.

For the next two weeks I'm going to continue to blog through v4-10 and break down how each verse ties in to the spiritual journey we must all undertake.

Some thoughts on manhood

2011-01-05T13:06:00.002-05:00

Recently a friend of mine posted a status on facebook expressing frustration over not knowing what it means to become a man. This got me thinking, and here's where my thoughts took me.

What does it mean to become a man?

"For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter though a man's misery weights heavily upon him. Ecclesiastes 8:6

John Eldridge is one of my favorite authors on masculinity. He's written many books, the majority of which I've read. If I could recommend just one, I'd say Wild at Heart for Men, and Captivating for Women. Today though I won't draw from Eldridge because I'd rather use something I believe everyone who reads this will be familiar with.

Disney's Lion King is a great story and follows the story of Simba, who grows up a prince, ultimately runs away from home and responsibility, later to return to reclaim all that is his. When does Simba become a man/lion and is no longer the cub? It's not during Hakuna Matata in my opinion even though we see Simba age considerably during the musical interlude.

I believe Simba really grows up when he returns with Nala to face responsibility and confronts his father's death.

While I can't put forth an end all definition to what it means to become a man, I do believe it means accepting responsibility for yourself and for others around you. Doing your part to not only provide for your needs but in some way for the needs of others as well, whether physically or spiritually.

In this age though, there's too many examples of putting this off. Young men and women are far too often continuing to live with their family, delaying getting out on their own, and supporting themselves. Yes getting out on one's own may be tougher now than years ago, but we're also trading away the means by which we grow and mature. We become afraid to take risks, to venture into anything unknown, and revert back to our teenage years.

I shudder to think what our world would look like if this trend continues with each up and coming generation. We need to search out examples of Godly men and women, use them as inspiration and become examples ourselves to others.

I'm looking forward to taking more steps in that area myself in the coming year.

A year ago...

2010-12-31T20:21:00.003-05:00

A year ago I was just beginning to learn to play the ukulele. I didn't know any chords by name, or how to tune the instrument but I was moving forward anyway.

A year ago I was still in working on my undergrad at East Carolina. I hadn't even yet declared to be a double major in Religious Studies (I was just pursuing a minor).

A year ago I hadn't traveled to Panama City Beach Fla, during spring break no less, to meet the needs of college students.

A year ago I hadn't traveled to Michigan and learned some things regarding the art of conversation and storytelling.

A year ago I hadn't personally witnessed the Pirates of ECU beat NC State in football.

A year ago I hadn't seen a Duke Men's Basketball game in Cameron.

I hadn't broken a 100 in bowling, been to a real concert, learned the joy of playing ultimate frisbee, seen a glorious sunrise over the waters of the Atlantic while camping out on the beach.

2010 had many ups, had its down, but in a few hours will exist only in pictures, videos, memories, etc. Here's to 2011 and all that God has in store.

December Update

2010-12-17T22:45:00.003-05:00

Been a few weeks since I last blogged, so much has been happening! Here's a glimpse from my eyes.

Began Finals over a week ago. Spoke at my last ECU Overflow as a student. Got a little emotional as I reflected and prayed over everyone. Before the worship ended, Kellar had all the students pray over me. Later that night I pulled an all nighter in the library to finish a paper and to study for a final I also had the next day. I never slept a wink that span of 40 hours but I handled it fine and got some rest Friday.

Travelled to Chapel Hill and saw Reliant K in concert Sunday evening (first big time concert). I road tripped up there with some cool friends, and met some other friends there. Really enjoyed the trip and the music.

Took some friends out star gazing last monday night for the Geminid Meteor Shower. We went out around midnight to have a better view, although it was bitterly cold. Braving the temps was worth it though, we saw one meteor that fire-balled across the sky with blue fire for several seconds. Hands down the best meteor I've ever seen in my life.

Tuesday I took a road trip to Wilmington with my friends Jason and Chris. After lunch at Flaming Amy's I went to a ukulele store. There I found out the story on the uke I inherited last winter, and found the instrument was probably made between the 1920s-1940s and was fairly valuable. I proceeded to get Pablo restrung, picked up some picks, and purchased a Baratone Ukulele and a digital ukulele tuner as a Christmas gift from my parents.

Wednesday I completed my last undergrad final. Had a lovely dinner with two of my married friends over in Washington.

Thursday we got snow. After lunch with a friend who was kept from returning home earlier due to the weather, I started Christmas shopping. Watched Elf on campus with another friend later that evening.

And earlier today (Friday) I participated in two graduation ceremonies! I took part in the big one for all the graduates and the department graduation for Communication. Religious Studies didn't have a ceremony because I was only one of two students graduating this winter.

So as you can see, I've been driving all over NC the past two weeks! Tomorrow I'm driving home to spend the next few weeks at home with family.

Hope

2010-12-06T11:07:00.003-05:00

Hope: A vision for a better tomorrow that causes you to live differently today.

I spent this past weekend staying with some friends at UNC-W. We spent the weekend getting shown around Wilmington, the campus, and just hanging out. On Sunday we attended Cape Fear Christian Church. I liked the service, and the message was about hope, which the first week of advent focuses on. Advent is an older tradition that the Church used to keep. Some churches still keep Advent today, others are coming back to that root. Growing up Original Free Will Baptist, we never kept Advent. I believe only the Catholics and possibly the Episcopals do so today.

Advent means the arrival of something that has been much anticipated. Roughly a month leading up to Christmas, The Church sets aside time to remember the significance of the first coming of Christ, and to refocus on his second coming.

Hope is essential to the Christian life. Hope drives us to continue to live and pursue God, and not to let our stories end once we accept Jesus as the Messiah.

What are you hopeful for? Are you taking steps now to live in preparation?

Finding my joy in Christ

2010-11-20T23:31:00.002-05:00

Some days when I'm not surrounded by people I can feel kind of blah. Today was such a day. Part of me craves interaction with others, and admittedly I'm at my best when I'm around others. But some days that's not possible. Like when you're taking a weekend to rest, recuperate, and study for classes.

I was listening to some Shane and Shane earlier, and this song came up on my ipod. Its called "The Answer." Here's the first verse and chorus:

I've tried more of me
and i've come up dry
trading You for things
things that go away
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You

i have found the answer is
to love You and be loved by You alone
alright! alright! alright!
You crucify me and the world to me
and i will only boast in You
alright! alright! alright!

Reminds me of some teaching I gave the other night in 2:42. We were in John and I took a moment to explain some deeper meaning behind John 15:9-11 where Jesus says “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."

Where it says "may be complete" that comes from the greek verb "pleroo" which means "to fill up, cause to abound, to complete." Its used again in John 17:13 where the NIV translates it as "full measure of."

So often I turn to sports, pets, playing music, and friends for joy, to be fulfilled. And for a time those will carry me, but like a summertime breeze, it comes and goes. I forget so often that in Christ is my joy made complete. I crave encouragement, but I should crave it from God, and from his word. To hear from him who I am, to take joy in His promises.

This is why we pray

2010-11-08T14:00:00.001-05:00

In 1642, 6 years after Harvard was first founded, President Henry Dunster set forth the following as the original purpose of Harvard University:

"Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider well the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ which is eternal life, John 17:3 and therefore to lay Christ in the bottom, as the only foundation of all sound knowledge and learning. And seeing the Lord giveth wisdom, let everyone seriously set himself by prayer, in secret, to seek it of Him."

In 1654 Henry Dunster was dismissed for disagreeing with the doctrine of Infant Baptism. His stance along with the "heretics" would lead to further church reformation.

As far back as the 1600s God has been using the college campuses of America to lead the way.

Our weeks of 24/7 prayer have accomplished several things over the past two years
1) Brought more unity to the 17 campus ministries on campus
2) Given students a deeper hunger for more intimacy with God
3) Brought about changes downtown
-Crime on Halloween and downtown has been on the decline for two years now
-When we kicked off a week of 24/7 prayer in April of 2009, God opened a door and provided the Boiler Room space to 6:22 Ministries. Since then 6:22 has carried the torch moving towards night and day prayer and worship in the city of Greenville and the region.

For the Ten Days of Prayer at East Carolina, you don't have to visit the Boiler Room, but I would highly encourage you to do so! The space is phenomenal for hearing from God, receiving direction and hearing from Him on what He would have us do to make His name famous at East Carolina and in the world.

I cannot say how God will respond to our prayers this time, but I know He will, and in ways that will make his hand clearly the author!

If you want to sign up for a specific hour to spend at the Boiler Room, you can do by Clicking Here

Sharing my heart

2010-10-27T23:16:00.002-04:00

The heart can be so fragile. Like a vase, a heart can hold much, pour out its contents, and be held by others. Vases even come with handles to be specifically carried. But hearts can be cracked, sometimes broken.

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"[a]made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:1-7

No passage of scripture is speaking to me more so right now with where I am than the above. As I've been praying about where God would have me after December (and I'm closer to making a decision) I've also needed to share this with my family.

"Well of course you need to share with your family" you probably say within yourself.

Except you don't understand just how hard that has been. Let me take you back to the fall of 2008. At the time I was praying about an opportunity I had to travel overseas to undergo a prayer journey through a country that is spiritually a desert. But as I shared with my family, I met resistance. Oh how much resistance I faced.

I never took up the opportunity. And for a year and a half since then, I've been reluctant to share my heart with my family, out of fear of receiving the same welcome. That's led to not telling then about short term opportunities I undertook stateside until just a few weeks before, sometimes days before. Those were choices I regret, the ways I handled telling my family that is.

Within the past few weeks I've been following some advice given me, and been sharing my heart with my family. A weekend or two ago, I shared with them while we were running errands in the car about all the things I'd been up to in college, and the things I'd seen God doing. That was a big step for me. At times I was just sharing, and my parents listened. I couldn't tell if that was good or bad. But then his past Sunday I was briefly home for my church's homecoming and I was once again sharing my heart. Then unexpectedly my dad asked "How have reaching out to the internationals been going?"

Within me, my heart leapt for joy! My parent's had really been listening that car ride!! I know they may never carry the same passions as I, and they may never understand my passions, but they are beginning to recognize them!

I still have more to share with them, but I've been seizing opportunities to share bits of my heart here and there. I'm seeking to finally come out of my shell.

Love is like Lasagna

2010-10-18T17:32:00.005-04:00

Love is like lasagna, an invitation, or attention. Love is easier to receive than to give. A home made lasagna takes an hour to make, another hour to bake, etc (No rhyme intended there). Receiving the dish is a lot easier.

I myself find it hard to show people love sometimes. First I'm afraid to open my heart up. Someone wise once said that to love someone is to give them the ability to hurt you. Other times I wait to receive love before I give it. That's the world's definition of love. God's love is one that takes the first step, that doesn't act and wait to be reciprocated.

I can seem distant at times, and awkward/random I know. I don't intend to be. Its like I'm introverted on the surface but highly extroverted once you get to know me or when I become engaged in whatever situation I find myself in. God certainly made me peculiar, and I don't intend to change any of that, but I do desire to love more than I do.

Because I'm called to. Because loving is life to the full. I didn't deserve God's love, but He gave, and I received (that's still a work in progress). And there are other sheep that God desires to call is own, that I feel compelled to reveal God's love to.

Which are you?

2010-10-17T15:20:00.002-04:00

Let me encourage you to check out my friend Ryne's blog. He recently put up a great post that came out of a discussion we had within our 2:42 group. I was going to share the same, but instead I'll refer you to his blog if you want a great read. As you read, ask yourself who are you?

Ryne's blog

Praying for God knows what

2010-10-12T12:15:00.002-04:00

This morning I found some quiet time at my apartment, and seized it to spend some time in the book of John, then followed that time up with prayer over the scripture I meditated on, then prayer for others. Lately I haven't spent much time praying for others as I've promised I would. Honestly sometimes I am quick so say I will pray for you in this, but slower than a snail in remembering to pray that request as the week and month moves on. Maybe I'm not alone in that. Maybe many others also promise to pray because is the christian thing to do, but never carry out the promise.

This morning I actually took some time to pray for some guys in a small group I co-lead. I started with requests they each had made known recently, then moved from there. Before I go further let me add that when I pray I like to pause. I don't do this as much when I'm praying for a group of believers in worship, but when the setting is more informal, you can expect me to pause in my prayers.

I picked this up first from a campus minister at UNC-W. I've noticed my own campus minister here at ECU doing this now (or maybe I just now noticed!) and I recall a great friend from Indiana doing the same. For me, I like to take time to pause for two reasons. One to enjoy the moment as I'm coming into the presence of God, and secondly, to listen to him speaking, as opposed to talking the whole time. My prayer times have become so much richer through that method.

Back to this morning. As I was praying and pausing, I felt God whisper, pray this over them, and I began to pray. Shortly thereafter, another friend sent me a text asking for prayer, but didn't specify any reasons. Not knowing what to pray for, I listened and prayed. God ended up taking my prayer and led me to pray over their spiritual well being. Later they confirmed that they were under spiritual attack.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-27

I firmly believe that if we give God time in our prayers, He will speak to us and tell us what to pray for. But check this out too, and I myself just noticed this, the Spirit prays for us! The Holy Spirit of God prays for us, and guides others to pray over us too (when they listen and act on his nudging)!

Next time you're praying, throw out the time limit, DON'T talk the whole time (LISTEN), and ask God what else you can pray for.

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak..." James 1:19

Dude, where's my bike?

2010-10-01T09:54:00.003-04:00

As i shared in a previous post, I went on a retreat last weekend. Upon getting back into town, I discovered my bike had been stolen from the campus house while we were away. I had locked it up on the porch before leaving, but I locked it through some of the posts between the rails. Those posts as it turns out, can easily be pulled out.

I was very dismayed when I discovered this, especially coming off of a great retreat. The bike has been my main mode of transportation to campus, and other destinations nearby. Once I got a lift back to my apartment, I began to wrestle in my spirit on how to respond. I found myself praying and asking "Jesus, how would you respond to this?"

As I prayed, unpacked, and did some dishes to meditate on this, I found my spirit being led to Matthew 5 where it says to turn the other cheek, love your enemies, and in Matt 6, forgive others to be forgiven. But these are all hard sayings to actually live out!

The chances of the bike being found are small, unless they try to pawn it nearby. The chances of me meeting whoever stole it are very small. Regardless my spirit was chained to theirs through unforgiveness. I thus began to pray, and say Father, I forgive them, I forgive them for whatever reason they took it. Then God shed some light on the situation. "I don't know why they were desperate enough to steal the bike, whether they needed money or a mode of transportation, but I pray that you would come into their lives and meet whatever need they have."

I've since moved on in spirit. Been commuting through the Minges system which has added an extra 20 minutes to my schedule, and more gas used during the week. I've got a friend who's going to loan me a bike, but I may still commute, because despite the inconvenience, it forces me to slow down in my day, and places me in a context where I can talk to people.

He is Worthy

2010-09-26T23:16:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I attended my first fall retreat with CCF. In years past, circumstances have always kept me from going. I found time Saturday to pray and meditate on where I feel God calling me after December. I'm confident in what I'm discerning, but not ready to really announce anything except to a few close friends/mentors. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary distraction/attention.

What I see before me is a road faced with some hardship, doors I'm going to need to pray for God to open.

During worship I found myself arrive at a place that has held me back in recent years from other opportunities. The praise band was leading us in Revelation song and the opening lines "Worthy is the lamb who was slain" hit me like rain falling from the sky, washing over me from head to toe.

God is worthy of whatever hardship we face. Find yourself weighed down, discouraged, or in an uphill battle? He is worthy of it all. I realized too that God is worthy of whatever I have to face. Olympic athletes will train years, through many tears for the opportunity to win gold, because they see the goal as worthy.

What will you endure? How worthy is God to you?

Empty Handed

2010-09-18T00:54:00.005-04:00

During my time here at East Carolina University, God has given me a heart for two areas of ministry. Prayer and going downtown. I can trace the roots of both back two summers ago. It was in Michigan that God showed me the power of prayer, and the need to intercede for the lost and unreached. Driving through downtown Greenville upon arriving back, God began to constantly speak "Downtown, go downtown."

2 years have since passed. I've found myself pushed to the forefront of a movement of praying students and faculty. Where once I felt my prayers did nothing, I now saw God answering them, and I found myself inspiring others to pray. Last spring, after an eventful excursion to Panama City Beach, I began with CCF students to finally reach into the downtown party scene. I've only come across one other ministry that has dared to reach the unreached there.

This semester has been trying however. I lay awake late at nights, my heart burning with desire to continue to see more of God in these areas, to see more fruit, a bigger harvest. Three weeks ago, I contacted students in various ministries on campus to come together to pray for an hour. I contacted over 30 in over 8 different ministries. No one showed up.

The Friday nights I have been in Greenville, I've been asking different guys about joining me in going downtown, to show love, and have conversation with people about God. Of the guys I've talked to, none have been able/willing to go.

I've been disappointed by both instances. Like my voice is falling on deaf ears. With that weighing down on me, I travelled to the Boiler Room earlier tonight. The Boiler Room has been a huge blessing since God established the ministry back after a week of 24/7 Prayer on campus at East Carolina in the spring of 2009. The space is truly intimate, and I can always commune with God there.

Tonight while I was worshipping and praying during the 5 hour "Burn" I found myself needing to confess and lift up spirits of disappointment, as they weighed me down from truly worshipping. As I began to pray over this, I felt God give me this vision. I saw dry, barren, cracked soil, that nothing could penetrate. And I knew underneath lied these seeds that were unable to burst forth because of the hard soil. And then I knew in my heart what was needed was rain, to loosen the soil and allow the seeds to grow.

Immediately I felt God saying, "Pray for rain, Pray for my spirit to go forth." I've been unable to cultivate anything in either prayer or downtown because I was trying of my own power. I recognize now, that I cannot persuade men, only the Holy Spirit can.

I then began to pray and ask for the Sprit to go before me, and call hearts to pray, to call hearts to go downtown, and to open eyes to see what I see. As I prayed the Spirit began to show me a few people to personally talk to. I'm now praying for the spirit to move those people before I talk to them.

I'm going to pour less energy into emailing, tweeting, and facebook updates about prayer gatherings. I'm going to ditch the video idea I had unless God brings someone along to create one. From here out, I'm going to pray for God to call people, and follow His Spirit in where to pray for the rain to fall.

Father I'm letting you resume driving this movement, carry us where you will.

The wedding

2010-09-10T12:53:00.005-04:00

One day there was a wedding. People came from all over to celebrate the union that was to take place. Family, friends, and a rabbi with 5 new disciples. The disciples had just begun to follow their rabbi days before. Maybe they were expecting their first weekend with their rabbi to consist of fasting, and praying. Maybe they expected to hear him teach to crowds. Whatever their expectations were, nothing could have prepared them for what happened.

The bride and groom exchanged their vows, the celebration began. The family, guests, and friends all began to eat and drink. But just as the wedding was getting really good, when nobody wanted to leave, the unthinkable happens. Only a few were aware, but their faces told the tale.

Then an older lady goes over to her son, the rabbi, as he sits with his disciples and whispers into his ear 5 simple words. "They have no more wine."

"Is that my concern dear lady?" The rabbi replies. The lady then turned to the waiters instructing them to "Do whatever he tells you." The disciples sit up in their chairs, expectation rising in their hearts. The rabbi then consented to the lady, and turning, instructed the waiters to fill 6 stone jars with water. Confused faces spread like wildfire. "Fill those jars there? But those are used for washing!" Hesitating at first, they listen to the rabbi. He then instructed them to pour some water into the pitchers and to continue serving the guests.

The first cup that needs refilling happens to be held by the master of the ceremony. A servant walks up, cringing as he begins to pour the water into the cup. The master lifted the cup to his lips and let the contents spill down into his mouth. The master carefully set the cup down, and immediately pulled the groom aside exclaiming, "Most people bring out their best wine early, then once people are drunk, the bad. But you have saved your best for last. Well done!"

The servant looks down at the cup, and astonishingly sees wine sitting inside. The wedding continues, the people celebrate, and 5 disciples place their trust in their rabbi. The rabbi would go on to raise the dead to life, give sight to the blind, and forgive people of their sins, among many other things.

The wedding was more than the start of the Rabbi's miracles. The wedding was the opening precession to a cosmic wedding between and all loving God, and a people He has pursued before they even came to be.

And all but God play the Bride.

Worship Ruined Me Tonight

2010-09-08T23:49:00.005-04:00

This past week has been eye opening, let me start with the adventures:

I found myself Thursday driving to the little out of the way place of Pinetops to pick up a friend's bed and we proceeded to carry it to Greenville on top of my Jeep. The friend I was helping I had literally met on campus an hour before. Without going into detail, I'm certain God brought him across my path, but why I can't say yet. There are some serious things going on with him, that I hope God will provide illumination on, and answers to how I can help lead him.

Saturday I travelled to Atlantic Beach with CCF. We took some internationals to what I call my backyard, and it was a gorgeous day down there. We spent a wonderful afternoon hanging out, before eating in Morehead City and driving back. I truly had a blast carrying some students from the UK, and hearing more about the differences between here and there.

Sunday was ECU's first game of the season, and what a crazy game at that. I'm glad we got a win, and it was crazy to see 50,000 fans in the stadium, 7,000 more than last year with the new endzone seating. Me and my friend Gilley were even on ESPN! Definitely glad I was sporting the Pirate outfit.

Now let me share what I've been wrestling with.

The worship tonight at CCF really did a number on me. As we were singing, this single thought struck me like lightning.

God loves me.

Maybe its because I'm a guy, but I don't dwell on that much. I hear that and I think within myself, of course he does, and I move on. Well tonight that thought brought me to my knees in prayer. I realized that this past week God has been competing for my affection, my time, and I've been barely responding, too caught up in classes and friends.

God also reminded me tonight of his heart to be a father to others, and of my desire to be a spiritual brother and mentor to the guys God has brought into my life. Tomorrow I'm going to focus on both with one step. I'm going to begin a new 1-1.

1-1's have shaped who I've become, and were the original way CCF impacted my life. I can name several mentors who I regard dearly for the time they spent with me, sharing how they follow Christ. I've initiated several since being mentored myself, and I look forward to being plugged into one or two this fall again, and life on life following Christ.

Back in session

2010-08-30T13:26:00.002-04:00

School is back in session, and I couldn't be more excited. My class time looks something like this, a second attempt at grasping ancient greek, reading through the Iliad, debating the omnipotence of God in Philosophy, discussing the mindset of Paul in the first century, and learning about resumes. I'm so thankful for the religious studies program here at ECU coupled with the opportunities!

But this is also my last semester at East Carolina. In a few weeks I'm passing on the torch on several of my responsibilities within CCF. I'm seeking to make the most of the friendships I have, and to pass on what I can to those God has placed in my life. I'm letting God use me in several contexts still, but seeking to act when he says to act, and leave the rest to him. For example, I'm coordinating some prayer gatherings among students from the different ministries still, and seeking to delegate what I can of that to others.

I also believe I know where I need to go after December! I'll share more on this in the coming weeks. Right now I want to seek confirmation. The rest is essentially free fall and how much I trust God. I'm scared, excited, nervous, anxious, and many other things.

Thankfully i have guys that stop me, and remind me to breathe.

A song that has struck a chord with me

2010-08-27T13:37:00.001-04:00

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

Listen to the song here

What do you ask?

2010-08-16T09:09:00.003-04:00

I recently finished a devotional book by John Eldredge titled "Walking with God." Eldredge is one of my favorite authors. Walking is a collection of his quiet times throughout the course of a year.

For most of the summer I've been meditating on what it means to ask in prayer. What am I really asking here? Do I really want to know the answer, or am I just asking because every good christian should?

This morning I was reading through Luke 7, part of my endeavor to read through the whole New Testament. I came across the story of the woman who wiped Jesus' feet with her tears and her hair. Toward the end of the story, Jesus points out that "He who has been forgiven little, loves little."

This prompted me to ask in prayer "Father are there areas of my life I am not letting you into? Areas that need forgiveness, redemption, and restoration?" The first time I asked, I felt I heard an "Ask again", after the second time, I heard stillness, then the third time He began to reply. One of the replies consisted of "Your work ethic."

At home this summer, there's been times where I haven't wanted to do anything at all, except chill. Realizing this, I began to ask God to come into my work ethic, and change my attitude. To be joyful when a task presents itself, to be eager to meet the task.

I'm going to continue to ask that question throughout my day, and look and see what else God replies with.

P.S. Somehow I got in an awesome hour of quiet time without interruption from the cat. Praise God!

Plate Full

2010-08-09T01:44:00.001-04:00

As I’ve been preparing for the fall semester, I’ve begun to return to what God’s been showing me about the work he’s been doing at East Carolina. But as I’m returning to that mindset, I’m finding myself overwhelmed with carrying out everything I feel God laying on my heart, while finishing my academic career at ECU.

Specifically I’m looking forward to continue to be a leading part of CCF as we reach out downtown and begin to proclaim the Gospel in an area we have never breached before, an area that is at the center of the culture at ECU.

At the same time, I still feel the need for continued prayer on campus within CCF to precipitate our efforts to reach out to students, but also to unify the campus ministries as we did in 2008 and 2009. I could tell you story after story of the ways God moved in big ways by pouring out his spirit in response to prayer on college campuses. For instance, most of the major missions movements in the US came out of unified prayer on college campuses like Harvard, Cambridge, Northfield, etc.

Thinking about both of these equally important endeavors sometimes leaves my head spinning, especially with my desire to continue discipling students in 2:42 and 1-1. I realized earlier tonight during worship that I simply need to seek out God every day, to guide my steps, in managing my time, and in how to serve on each front I find myself while brining glory to God in my schoolwork.

One discerned step at a time.

Refocusing

2010-08-06T21:47:00.002-04:00

Traveling to Indiana today I got the chance to talk with two close Campus Minister friend's about the questions I've been wrestling with the past summer.

As I voiced the questions, I came to realize that I have been focusing too much on my plans after December, and not enough on living in the present. I've been focusing on a plan so much that I haven't been focusing on living the way.

Thats what this whole week is all about for me, a chance to refocus on what I need to be doing. Expect some posts.

Pieces of the Puzzle

2010-07-25T21:33:00.002-04:00

I've been talking with lots of different people over the past year about how they got into ministry, what that path looked like, all in an attempt to see where I myself might be headed.

One thing I've learned from a lot of people is that they never set out from day one to enter ministry. As it happened, God opened the opportunity for them, and in some cases even changed their hearts on where they stood with regard to ministry. I've learned from others of different denominations that becoming ordained with some churches/denominations is a matter of being "set apart" by a church or several ministers who deem you ready for full time ministry.

All this only raises more questions.

So now one thing I'm thinking about is how qualified do I want to be, what amount is enough. Would a Religious Studies degree and a Certificate in Bible (Carolina Bible Institute) be enough or would I be better served to attend Seminary? That I suppose hinges on whether I enter church ministry or something more along the lines of Campus ministry.

One truth I do recognize now that God will open ministry opportunities when the time is right for me.

Doing better

2010-07-19T22:44:00.002-04:00

In the past week I've been doing much better since my previous post. Here's a few highlights

Justin and Abbie's Wedding
I was privileged to serve as a groomsmen for Justin's wedding this past Saturday. It was beautiful with the Hawaiian traditions, the leis, etc. Friday night we had the rehearsal dinner, and it was a joyful occasion to spend time with Justin and Abbie along with some CCF friends who served as bridesmaids and groomsmen.

My Birthday
Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon, I hung out with two friends I met at camp last year. Both are like sisters to me. It was great to see what God is doing in their lives, and how He is giving them both a heart to serve others and to share His Gospel abroad.

Worship
Sunday morning we were singing "Crown Him With Many Crowns." Its an older hymn with some interesting history to it. As we sung it, my heart began to agree with the praises over and over again, and I simply began to stand in awe of the sovereignty of God. Tonight I was tempted to return to some things I've been struggling with, but I turned instead to God, and my heart couldn't help but to sing the hymn again. I've since found chords for it, and have chosen to make it the first praise song I learn on the ukulele.

Who do we agree with?

2010-07-13T23:47:00.002-04:00

I was reading in "Walking with God" by John Eldredge when I stumbled across something I could say without a doubt described me. (The book is a devotional with writings reflecting his own walk with God everyday). The selection I came across this evening really opened up something in me. I'll tell it from my point of view.

I've found the past few weeks that getting up is hard for me to do most mornings. I've been setting my alarm for 7 or 8 because I want to get up, go for a run, do some reading before the rest of the house is up and about. Then when morning comes, I turn off my alarm, and I roll over. Some mornings I just lay there, not willing to even get up.

Because as I lay there, I'm thinking about what likely is ahead for the day. More housework/outside yard work. "Maybe I'll have work this evening, which would be wonderful." You see, my past few weeks have been far from ideal. I haven't had much interaction with people outside of my family (and what I can steal through facebook), and I haven't truly found something I can take joy in and look forward to during the days here.

And so as I'm laying there unwilling to face the day, I've already made an agreement with the enemy. "My life isn't very enjoyable right now." That agreement is even reflected in the statement I've made countless times to friends this summer when asked how I'm doing. "Oh I'm just working some and biding my time until school starts back in August."

Tonight I realize that agreement was a sham.

WIth a month left of summer vacation, I've realized I've been squandering a gift from God himself. I could be spending precious time with my dad, who normally during school, I only see and talk to when I'm home. The same applies to my grandfather who is on borrowed time as it is. I can be encouraging and planting seeds among some of the church members who I have found are eager to dive deeper into God than during church. I can be better equipping myself for the fall.

But most of all, I could be walking with my Father, and allowing myself to be loved by Him.

Here's to waking up tomorrow, and making only one agreement to start my day.

"I've a Father who loves me, who cares about me, who wants to spend every second with me, and to walk through life with me."

Mark of Distinction

2010-07-07T23:46:00.006-04:00

Recently I was listening to Jentezen Franklin on television. He's the only TV pastor I listen to. I got to meet him once at a youth revival service he did at a local church. He was recounting a story from the Old Testament times and as he was relating the story, he shared how the mark of distinction between a slave and a freed person was by a beard. A slave was kept clean shaven according to Franklin.

So in Old Testament times I would have been considered a free man. Interesting.

What distinguishes us as free from sin?

Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Colossians 3:9-10

Through Christ we are free from sin, free of hopelessness, free of being unloved.

I don't know about you dear reader but I myself often cling to these, forgetting I can leave the shackles off.

I've struggled this summer and past year with some personal stuff, with attitudes and mindsets. I'm asking God for open eyes to see through these shackles, to see that Christ did indeed unlock them, that I can leave them behind.

Because I am free to love and be loved.

Below is a link to a song that has been a huge encouragement to me. First heard it down in PCB. Props to Lauren for tracking it down for me.

"Hold Nothing Back"

Out and About

2010-07-05T16:44:00.002-04:00

Last Thursday was a busy day but very enjoyable. I went to the dentist for a checkup, then spent some time at the beach reading and walking along the shore with God. The weather was cooler, still warm and sunny, but more than anything it was great to be in no particular rush and to just spend time meditating. Later I participated in the Beach Run Series, then promptly left for work.

Saturday we had a family get together. My mom and aunt probably shared ever diaper story they had of me, my oldest brother and my cousin. As an Uncle put it, we are eagerly waiting the day when they no longer remember those stories.

Last night I went out star gazing with a telescope I received for Christmas. I also spotted several shooting stars as the sky was very clear. Tonight I may go out and try the higher magnification lenses. I'm hoping to find Saturn and I've read else where that there is a double star that can be spotted within the Big Dipper.

I'm about to finish Forgotten God, then I'm starting The Cost of Discipleship. God has also laid on my heart the desire to teach a 2-3 part Evangelism course at my church, but I need to sit down and pray and seek God on that.

More than anything I'm desiring to talk to God more and more, than I have been for most of the summer to date. That desire is growing as I press into His presence when I feel Him calling.

So many questions

2010-07-01T09:59:00.002-04:00

Today on July 1st marks the first day in a month I have long been planning as a Sabbatical of sorts. I've never done a Sabbatical, and I'm also not the legalistic type (except when necessary).

My purpose for this Sabbatical has evolved over the past few months. When I first began to plan, I did so with the intention of finding out what God has in store for me after graduation. I feel in my heart He has called me to be specifically set aside to make disciples for His kingdom. Sorry if that's vague, that calling still is to me too!

What I've realized since May however is that I may very well wrap up this time having not received the answer to the questions of who/what/where/when/and why after December when I graduate. Knowing this, I'm seeking a month now to reflect on my journey the past 4 years since I began to pursue God. I want to gain a heightened sensitivity to the Spirit and be ready and clear minded for the next season in my life.

I've come to understand that there may be many doors as there are now, each great options, and that there won't be one right choice.

How I'm setting about all this.

For the month, I'm giving up video games and sleeping in late. I want to get in about an hour-2 hours of time in the Word, in prayer, and meditating. That is subject to change depending on the day, but I plan to steal a solid hour where ever, whenever. I'm also going to be asking questions, by the hundreds, not only to God and myself, but to others who have gone before me. I plan on making a couple of day trips here and there to spend time asking these questions, but I'm planning to stay within the NC borders for the month.

Expect blog updates, and some posts with what I'm being challenged by. Side note, I'm working to write shorter blog posts to be more accessible to people with time constraints. Sorry this one wasn't the case lol.

The Power of Stories

2010-06-17T22:32:00.002-04:00

Stories come in many ways, and out of anything we encounter in our lives, stories remain with us the longest. I doubt I will ever forget the story in the Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, or Shakespeare.

Stories are especially prevalent in Arab Culture. The more details, the more visuals the better. And in Arab Culture, stories are the highest form of truth.

So when I found myself sitting in an open garage/patio with two friends talking to a family of Muslims, I told a story.

"Yes you're right, we do have similar commandments. Let me tell you a story from the Injil (New Testament)"

I then led in to telling the story of the Rich Young Ruler who came to Jesus and asked "What must I do to gain eternal life?" Jesus asked him if he kept the commandments, then told the prince that he must go and sell all his possessions and come and follow Jesus. The prince left. I then switched gears and told the family of the story of Nicodemus and how he came to Jesus and asked what must I do to inherit eternal life. Jesus' reply "You must be born again."

The family listened intently to every detail I related from the two passages, and also to the explanations I gave. Later after more homemade cookies and lemonade we left.

We then had a story to tell others about the way the Spirit led us and set us up that night.

With courage and boldness

2010-06-14T07:43:00.001-04:00

This week I’m in Michigan with a team from NC and Indiana. We all came here from various backgrounds to engage Jesus through intensive training. Each morning we’ll be absorbing teaching and in the afternoons we’ll be heading out to parks to use what we learn to share Jesus with people of other faiths.

Many of us have never attended a seminary, Bible college (Bridal college, great nickname Lauren) served as missionaries or taken courses in persuasion and evangelism. Neither did the disciples.

Imagine this scene. For three years the disciples followed Jesus, eating, sleeping and moving from one town/village to another. Then in a whirlwind, Jesus is suddenly arrested and days later crucified. The followers scatter like leaves in the wind. Then just as suddenly news is spread by witnesses that Jesus is alive, risen from the dead! Soon after he appears before the very men who he spent three years of his life with. After an all too short time, Jesus then ascends into heaven, leaving them with the great commission to carry the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

The greatest task entrusted to humans was first entrusted to fishermen, and a tax collector, among a few other vocations. No charismatic political leaders, or men of brute strength and size here. Just ordinary every day folk.

The church then exploded, three thousand joining their number in a single day, another two thousand join days later after the healing of a lame man. The disciples quickly gained the attention of everyone in Jerusalem, even the very people who crucified Jesus.

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13

Peter and John were certainly not of the same caliber as say Abraham Lincoln, but became the instruments the Holy Spirit used to spearhead the greatest revolution on the face of the earth.

How in the world did this happen?

“…they took note that these men had been with Jesus”

The disciples lived and breathed Jesus for three years of their lives, then beyond that as well.

Brothers and Sisters, for us to also share the Good News, we don’t need to be a minister, to have studied public speaking at a college, or any skill for that matter. We simply need an intimate walk with Jesus himself. Not once a week, but every day. Jesus isn’t some wise old timer sitting on top of a mountain waiting for those who climb up to impart bits of wisdom. Jesus is mobile, only by following him closely daily can you remain by his side.

Spend time with Jesus today. Now.

Weeds

2010-06-09T20:52:00.003-04:00

I planted watermelons about the beginning of April. Since then, the seeds I planted have come up, and so have the weeds. I used the same seed as last year, but didn't plant quite as many. Half of the seeds were probably past their time, as they failed to sprout, but the rest did, and currently the best of them have vines spreading out, and probably within another 3 weeks I'll begin to see some melons starting the size of a thumb growing. I expect to have a few ripe around the end of July and the rest in August.

Two weeks ago I started carrying water out to them in a cooler with a spout that I can then pour the water out with, my makeshift watering can. Carrying water became necessary because we've been dry here in Carteret. Most of the rain always passes us to the north.

I've also started trying to keep the weeds at bay, which is quite a task even with a garden hoe. Working to oust the weeds has kept me thinking about the parable of the weeds. You can find the Parable here.

It is quite true that had the workers pulled up the weeds they would have pulled up the wheat too. I myself found this out first hand. Some weeds had come up encircling one of the watermelon plants and were threatening to choke it out. In puling them up to save the plant, I unearthed the watermelon root a little. The damage wasn't bad I believe, but I replaced soil around the plant as best I could. When last I checked the plant was thriving.

I've also learned that taking care of small weeds prevents bigger weeds from cropping up. This bears a lot of truth for the Christian. We cannot allow even little amounts of sin to take root in our lives, and remain. In time each will grow and take deeper root, until they are hard to purge, requiring force.

Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:14-16

Wrestling with Surrender

2010-05-14T23:28:00.003-04:00

That would be the title if my life was a book. I struggle with letting go of my desires, my dreams, my heart. Deep down I know God's way is so much better and is life "to the full" (John 10:10) But I still try to bring it about my way.

What gets me the most is that I know I have so much more I can offer God. There's more I should be giving him that he's asking for. I burn like a candle when I could be a burning inferno. Its not that I have placed great expectations on myself. When I read the Bible, I know clearly what God is asking of me.

Everything.

Part of me wants to be the rich young ruler and leave, claiming the cost to be too great. Part of me wants to with reckless abandon live in obedience to Christ like Stephen.

I realized today a war will be waged for my heart until the holy city descends from heaven. But in the meantime there is so much glory to be claimed for Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Father.

That starts with every decision I make now. With whether I offer God crowns or filthy rags.

And as I see through the lies, and as light is piercing the darkness, I choose to offer my heart.

Semester Ending

2010-04-30T12:14:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged much over the past few weeks because the semester has been coming to a close. I can happily say I am still on track to graduate in December! The past week has been splendid. Without classes, I've been able to read, study for finals, and take care of errands I've wanted to do for a few months now. One thing I finally got to do was going through my closet and taking clothes I no longer wear to a collection site ECU set up.

My lower back is healing. A doctor back home believes I tore a back muscle. I still can't think of how I did that, but I've slowed down the past week, and taken more time to rest. I'm hoping by the end of next week to begin some light stretches and get back into being physically active.

I'm excited too with classes ending to be able to get back into spending time with God. I still plan to use July as a Sabbatical. I want to reflect on the past few years and all that God has done through me and in me, then see where He is calling me to go. I very well may not receive an answer by August, but I can be saturated spiritually and ready for a new season of my life.

Expect me to post updates over the summer of how I'm doing and nuggets of what God shows me back home.

Where I am going

2010-04-07T01:21:00.003-04:00

Lately I've been distracted and anxious by looking ahead to where my life is headed beyond college. I often get the question of "What are you doing after you graduate?"

Truthfully I haven't the faintest of clues. It truly is up to God. I pray that at this point in my life I'm willing to go where ever He may send.

But over the past week, I've come to realize two things I believe God is calling me to in my life:

1) Making Disciples. I've come to realize that my most important ministry at East Carolina is that of making disciples of other men here. I've found myself possessing the confidence to teach, and the wisdom to rely on God in sharing my life and His gospel with others. Within this past year alone, I've seen so much fruit come from following God as He goes before me in this area.

2) I am called to intercede on behalf of others in prayer. This is again another gift and direction 3 years ago I never would have imagined for my life. I would have said you are out of your mind had you told me God would use me in that way. But everywhere I turn in scripture I see other examples of intercession from Abraham to the guards Nehemiah posted who kept watch day and night.

And so I find myself awake at 1:30AM unable to sleep because I sense God calling me to intercede for those men and others i know on campus in whom He is moving. This late at night I often feel God nudging me the most. Maybe because I lay aside worries and thoughts of everything else and my heart is free until my body drifts into sleep.

"Yes Father I will keep watch with you a while longer before I sleep"

Who you trying to impress?

2010-03-29T23:29:00.003-04:00

Since Christmas break begun, I've been learning the ukulele. I've always wanted to play an instrument. I've taken piano on and off since I was 12, but I'm still not very good. Since being in college, I haven't had access to a piano, nor the time to keep practicing and improving.

Then I inherited a ukulele from my uncle. The instrument is nimble for me. By nimble I mean small, compact, maneuverable. Ukulele's only have 4 strings, so for me its also been easier to pick up. I've been teaching myself through youtube tutorial videos, and chord charts I found online.

I guess I've surprised a lot of people who didn't think I had any musical talent. Lately I've especially gotten the question "Who you tryin to impress?"

Honestly its a creative outlet for me. Something of my very own that i can do. Where others have impressive blogs, great athletic ability, etc, I now have the ukulele. But beyond that we can waste our lives trying to impress people.

"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Throughout my college career, I've been growing especially in the area of not setting out to please people, but to please God, who alone I ultimately answer to. I've gained confidence in myself, and I don't compare myself to others as much as I used to.

Its a work in progress, but all along the way I'm finding who I am and who I'm meant to be.

Beach Reach Review Part 2

2010-03-22T13:13:00.002-04:00

On Wednesday night we began our street shift prayer walking, not coming across many people out because of the light rain and the windy conditions. Directly we felt God leading us to go into the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express and meet people staying out of the weather. The we refers to Lauren Ward and myself

There we met a guy from Indiana. As we got to talking about schools and football he asked us why we were down in PCB sober. That led us to explain what we were there to share the love of Christ and be obedient to the Gospel. As we talked with him we found he wanted to join the military to change his life. As we talked about his plans we shared that Jesus can change his life in so many better ways.

We shared the story of the lost son from Luke 15 and how the son led a life of repentance in returning to his father. We also shared how we would be different people without Christ in our lives. We asked if we could pray for him, then prayed as the Holy Spirit led for his life. He said afterwards that was exactly what he needed prayed for in his life. We exchanged contact info and promised to keep praying for him.

Ultimately I've got to give God props for what He did through Lauren that night. She picked up the cues to head into Taco Bell, and to keep talking with him when we sat down at some tables. When we first sat down, i was coming off a confused conversation with him, and felt he was too intoxicated to talk to. Boy was I wrong! Lauren also did great in quoting timely scriptures, and in lifting up prayer for the conversation. Lauren's listening opened the door for that encounter.

I myself would get to do the same the following evening, and be the listener as I set up two girls on our team from Indiana with significant conversations throughout the evening.

Beach Reach Review Part 1

2010-03-15T13:50:00.003-04:00

Ok, as concise as possible (because I know I can get really talkative) I'm going to share 3 concise posts about Beach Reach.

Going into the week, I knew there would be opportunities to share God with people. I didn't expect God to work on me so much more. It is arrogance to think that I am where I need to be, and incapable of learning from others, and from those I would share God with.

In fact i needed a serious attitude change. It is God at work, not myself. It is God's word that changes lives, not my own. I should be seeking the good of others and not the good of myself. Once God removed my own ego, that was when things got really exciting to be there.

Our strength as teams led to the most exciting encounters. Together all relying on God, all listening to His spirit, we found where we needed to be for Divine Appointments. As a short term mission trip, this trip has changed me the most. I cannot say I am the same before the trip. I simply pray that all that God did in me down in PCB would be a lasting change, and in his hands, and not my own, that can be true.

Leaving for Beach Reach

2010-03-05T01:53:00.002-05:00

I'm leaving at 3pm today for Florida. I've shared in a recent post what the trip will entail. When I return expect a few blog posts on the happenings and what I was challenged by/encouraged by etc.

Angry Right Now

2010-03-01T23:40:00.002-05:00

How is it that within the same day one can go from unspeakable joy to just plain mad?

At the moment, that is where I am within my spirit. I can't even sit down to focus on the assignments coming due tomorrow at the moment, because all I can do is shake my head. I was sorely tempted to call back, to yell in response, and to respond to the accusations. But I withheld. Not because I'm going to keep it bottled up, but because right now, I know my spirit is not in tune with God's and I would only end up speaking out of spite.

As I seethed, I felt the need to pray. I'm praying off and on now as I write this. I just want to put this out there, to voice the frustration, the hurt. I'm calming down, but I don't know when I'll actually call back. Or if I even want to return home after Beach Reach.

The problem lies solely with my mom. For 2-3 years now, steps I've taken in the spirit has led me and my mom to hold very different view points, different priorities. We no longer walk the same trail, nor do we really see eye to eye. I hate to even type this sentence but I have to question the spirit in my mom. Its not one I recognize.

Family Problem aside, its an attack perfectly timed by the Devil. Days away from leaving for Beach Reach, he's slinging as many fiery darts at me as he can.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil's schemes (Adapted from Ephesians 6 as the prayer formed in my heart)

Beach Reach

2010-03-01T23:37:00.002-05:00

In a few days I leave with a CCF team to travel down to Panama City Beach in Florida. There we will be taking part in Operation Beach Reach. We will spend the week in shifts offering rides to spring breakers, meeting people and sharing stories of Jesus, and sharing free pancakes every morning to create further opportunities to share our lives with them.

We’ve spent the last few weeks preparing through scripture, memorization, prayer, team building, looking at our own personal story, and raising financial and spiritual support.

I worried about finances, stressed to be honest. I sent out support letters, but my mailbox remained empty. I prayed.

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 And as of Monday, my finances were payed for!! I don’t know how God provided, or through who, when, where, why, but God’s grace was sufficient once again!

Now I can finish preparing to leave on Friday with the CCF team. Meanwhile I will lift up further prayers that my feet would be prepared to go, and the rest of the armor or God would cover me (Ephesians 6). To the Father who provides life, and sustains it through his power and sacrifice, to Him may the glory be given, and may His glory be seen in me!

Lies and Darkness

2010-02-23T18:18:00.002-05:00

It all started with a lie.

Most of us know how the story goes. Adam and Eve are in the garden. God has blessed them with permission to do anything on earth except to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He promises death if they eat of it.

Then the Devil comes in. And he feeds them a lie. “You will surely not die” (Genesis 3:4) And Adam and Eve bought it.

I believe the most destructive thing the Devil ever did was to create a lie. With it, he separated all of mankind from God. And lies today still have a lot of destructive power. Breeding mistrust, anger, injecting pain, etc. We can drown in a sea of lies never knowing our true identity that the Father waits for us. And that how we live now, where the world is headed is not what his master plan is about.

In speaking to the Pharisees Jesus said:
"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

Christ compels us instead to be truthful, and I believe that starts with our lives first and foremost. We cannot live lives of sin and claim Him as our Father. To lie in any way shape or form is disobedience, which doesn’t come from love for God.

"We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." I John 2:3-6

Walk in truth. Don't let any part of you remain in the shadows hiding. Everything will be brought to the light at the end of days.

Its better living everything in the light.

Starting another blog, keeping this one going too.

2010-02-22T22:35:00.005-05:00

Just wanted to give a heads up, I've started a new blog titled "Whimsical Thoughts on the Fridge." My purpose in creating the blog is to share writings that aren't spiritual. Sometimes I like to write to write, or to rant, or to write for the delight of others.

http://whimsicalfridgethoughts.blogspot.com/

I'm keeping this blog going. I need to sort through some things before I post again. But expect it soon.

Covered in His Dust.

In Different Shoes

2010-02-17T00:27:00.005-05:00

As I was laying in bed, my thoughts turned to the story of the Lost Son in Luke 15. Click here if you haven't read the account before. My thoughts turned into a message, and so here I am at 12:30AM posting a blog with something God has laid on my heart so share with people, even if its just you dear reader.

There was this father who had 2 sons. One day the younger came to him, and asked for his share of the families wealth. Upon receiving it, he moved away and began to live every hour engaging in every kind of pleasurable activity. Eventually the son's wealth ran out, and he was forced to stoop to eating with pigs.

He came to his senses one day, and deciding that working for his father as a servant is better than his current life, he returned home. His father saw him coming off in the distance and recognized him instantly. His father had waited for him! When he returned he took in his son as his son and not as a servant and planned a celebration.

The older son meanwhile was out working, and when he came in, he was puzzled as to the reason for the party. When a servant told him his brother had returned, and they were celebrating he became angry and would not go inside. His father came out to him, trying to get him to come in and welcome his brother back, but the older refused. The story ends by the father reminding the older son of his love for both of them.

I’ve been the lost son before. I’ve left my Father because I was not satisfied. I look back on the pleasures I sought and I shake my head and ask "Why did I waste what I had on that?”

But at the same time that I’ve been the lost son, I’ve also been the older son. Working for the Father, I take little joy in doing what He asks of me. And even though I am receiving an inheritance from Him, that isn’t enough to make me happy. I become jealous and claim that the Father is withholding good things from me.

It is the younger son who we know of as the lost son who is humble enough to return to his Father, to admit his foolishness. And like the Shepherd who rejoiced more over the 1 lost sheep that was found compared to the 99 that didn’t go astray, the father in the story rejoices more over his younger son returning. But to both the father shows love. Equal love, not by our standards but by God’s who I believe is in fact the Father in this story.

Update, and needing feeback

2010-02-12T01:22:00.001-05:00

I heard this week from a student I baptized at camp last summer. Its been great to finally be able to encourage him in his faith, and to continue to invest into his life.

I have an unusual schedule right now, that sees me eating lunch at 3pm now. Times with God also come and go, sometimes early in the morning. Sometimes late at night. I just finished doing laundry (12:30am) and turned the laundromat into a sanctuary where I began to sing and praise God while reading Psalm 97, slowly and purposefully.

I'm still mulling over thoughts from a recent retreat. Expect those up over the weekend.

But I need some feedback. While I feel like I'm investing well into the lives of people on campus, I'm out of the loop with my friends. I'm completely missing big updates on people's lives, and its not a one time occurrence. I'm wondering if I have tried to make too many close friends only to know many marginally. I can't just spend more time hanging with people, because what free time I have is devoted to studies, God, and personal items like keeping a clean bedroom (which I am marginally succeeding at).

I'm not sure what to do about this, but if anyone has some thoughts feel free to share.

Who am I?

2010-02-02T19:33:00.000-05:00

This past week, I've given a lot of thought to my beliefs about God, and how they've changed over the past 4 years. I grew up in an Original Free Will Baptist Church. We're the smaller of the two Free Will Baptist Denominational groups in the U.S. (If you care about such things). My church at home is steeped in doing things traditionally, from the message, to the style of the service. Now we mix it up form time to time, but I say all that to give an insight into my background.

I consider myself above all else a Christian. There are times where I want to classify myself differently because of the bad image, Christians have given the world over recent history, but I stick with the name, to hopefully restore who God meant for us to be. A transformed living being in who the fullness of Christ is dwelling. I haven't attained that yet, but I know that is the ultimate goal, the end result, what a mature Christian looks like. Check out Stephen in Acts 6-8 sometime and see for yourself. It gives me chills.

I used to focus on keeping rules, and my faith was largely what others had told me to believe. That was a me who focused so much on staying within the boundary of Christianity like one might try to stay in bounds on the football field. I focused so much on being in bounds that there was no passion, no enjoyment.

Then I discovered a God who cares more about giving life, and about a relationship, than someone who rewards heaven to those who follow all his rules. I believe God speaks to me in subtle ways, and that He has a real power at work.

Now I am passionate, now I have inexpressible joy, now I have purpose to get up in the mornings, and leave my cuddly cocoon.

And now, I can begin love God, and his creation, because now, I am experiencing His love.

P.S. I'm getting to know the creative persona of God. That creator who has stopped me countless times in my tracks to observe a bit of nature, or a piece of art in its various forms.

Living and Dying

2010-01-10T17:49:00.000-05:00

As I survey the landscape, my eyes behold

A tree of life, with various fruits. Many grafted into the branches, their forefathers previously having grown from the tree, but their children having been separated. Many of those fruits still bear the scars of the malnourishment they received prior to being grafted in. Many more now bear fruit.

I see other fruit all around the tree still, lying on the ground, having attempted to take root in the rocky soil, but finding no water because only the tree of life's roots tap into the stream of rushing water. The sun scorches them, they wither and bruise from the separation, the attempt to live separately. But they fail to realize they are only dying, ever so slowly.

I see a husbandman attempting to restore the fruit to the tree, taking what fruits will willingly surrender to new life, and give up striking it out alone. I see him revisit some time and time again that will not break root. He frowns, and moves on to others, not willing that any should perish, but knowing ultimately its up to each fruit to decide.

"Will I let my roots be broken, risk all I have known, to take up a new life? Will I set aside my pride of living by my own means?"

Short with huge questions to ask ourselves

2009-12-09T14:27:00.000-05:00

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all therefore all have died; and he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. II Corinthians 5:14-15 ESV

What has the ultimate say in our lives? Does the love of Christ weigh in on our actions, or do our own motives make every move?

And are we living for Him since he died for us so that we would no longer live just for ourselves?

"Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person as God has loved us." Joshua Harris

I see a little bit of God...

2009-11-25T00:59:00.000-05:00

I see a little bit of God in the friend who is willing to wait until 8:45pm to get dinner and spend time catching up and watching over each other's back.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who cares about the details of my life, who knows I have more to offer.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who asks me daily if I'm having a good day and if I'm alright, even if their day is horrible.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who considers me worthy of their entourage on that special day.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who feeds me often, with meat from His word, and sweets to satisfy my tongue for a while.

I see a little bit of God who with hugs, and warm greetings, values me as their partner in His Kingdom.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who takes a few minutes to write to me from 198 miles away.

I see a little bit of God in the friend who I find constantly seeking that next adventure He is calling them to.

I see all these little pieces of God in so many people, that I can forget what I do not have in my life, and praise Him for all the pieces I do have, and for all the people those pieces come from.

The Father's love

2009-11-17T14:40:00.000-05:00

Last night about 2:30am, me and a few friends drove out of the city limits of Greenville out to a large field in the middle of no where off of 264. There was a meteor shower last night, incase you didn't know.

I chose a spot outside of Greenville earlier Monday because I knew the light pollution would keep us from really seeing all the stars in the sky. About 20 min outside the city I found this field that belonged to a farm just off the highway.

As we pulled up a lil before 3am into the field, a shooting star/meteor came down right in front of us, leaving a trail and disappearing into the horizon. It was like God was confirming the spot as a good place to camp out.

The rest of the evening unfolded with oohs, oreos and peanut butter, hot chocolate, words of praise, and the most random/hilarious conversations.

The meteors themselves appeared all over the sky. Some leaving long trails that lasted for an eternity in our retina but probably passed in the span of half a second. Somewhere beyond all those stars God is watching over us, and yet also living in our hearts at the same time.

"Why do you think God made the stars?"

"Maybe God made the stars to get us to look up."

Slowly thick fog took over that by about 5am when we left it had surrounded us to where it was like we were on a small island.

"Oh he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us."

Broken and Blind

2009-11-09T16:46:00.000-05:00

I've been Awol lately. Thats right. Absent without official leave.

I've been on the tightropes, getting beat up by my work load. But worst of all, I forgot where to turn and what to put my trust in. My enemy I couldn't perceive. My eyes have been swollen, my ears ringing, my nose disjointed, in short my senses had failed me.

Thankfully the guys in my corner recognized the sad state I was in, and pulled me back.

Now I'm seeking to come back.

How did I arrive at this point?

I'd forgotten where I was. Forgotten whose I was. Been trying to fight this battle on my own, only to wind up pummeled and on the ground.

I didn't feed myself or spend time in prayer because I focused too much on the physical task at hand. I began to starve and weaken. I couldn't tell which way was up.

Thanks to wise counsel, I'm picking myself up, and calling on Him who is greater than all these problems. I'm again seeking to give Him my best, and call on Him to fight these battles with me. Together we will reclaim the ground that can be reclaimed, the rest I will concede to the enemy and continue to follow the lead of my Savior and King as we move throughout the battlefield.

No more excuses, no more lying down, no more hiding in the trenches.

I'm stepping out, and retaking the initiative.

Available

2009-11-01T11:56:00.000-05:00

What a rush Friday night. I have never seen so many people in the Boiler Room on the corner of 5th and Reade praying and worshipping in there. from 6pm-3am there was praise music, and prayers lifted up for the City of Greenville, ECU Campus, The downtown, and Pitt Community College.

I joined with Matthew Lilley and 6:22 Ministries as they led worship, and I led prayers between 7pm-9pm. After finishing our shift, I stepped into another room, while most kept going to get some water, and to physically get my bearings. Within the hour I headed back inside where I continued with others to pray, sing, and listen.

As I prayed with God I began to ask him specific questions about where he wanted me, and especially where and what during halloween. All I heard him say at that time was "Be available, be unselfish, be willing."

Its funny how when we pray, we're all in, but there's times when the mission comes up, we waver.

I started to Saturday night, when a good friend called me up needing a ride. As I talked with him on the phone, I knew he was agitated and really needed a ride. So I drove across the city, traffic was crazy, picked him up and was able to bring him back to the campus house. Did I mention traffic was crazy and getting in and out of his apartment complex meant I almost got bumped into numerous times?

Thankfully we got back without incident, and just in time to start the haunted trail which was also a source of agitation for me initially. I wanted to make sure after all the hard work we'd put into it, the tunnel got started off right, and to lessen the stress of the other planners as well.

Father, I pray that you mold my heart to be more available, to be less selfish, and to be more willing.

The most I can do is pray

2009-10-30T16:52:00.000-04:00

Recently a friend asked me to pray for a friend of theirs. They explained the situation, and I responded that I would earnestly pray for the person. When they thanked me, I said "Its the least I can do." I minute later after the conversation had ended I thought to myself, prayer is not the least I can do...Its the most.

There's something about our Christian culture today. We read of in the Bible of all the amazing miracles, all the stories and we say wow, that's so cool. Then when we think of prayer, we think yeah, prayer is good, but seeing God stop the rain, or heal a friend is so much cooler.

We downplay prayer. Its become so ritualistic we pray like we're tying our shoes, only out of necessity. Only because we're expected to. Don't they teach in sunday school you should always pray before you to to bed?

There is enormous power in prayer. And I bet most major acts of God, if not all where preceded by prayers poured out of people's hearts, til there was nothing left to pour out, like wringing all the water out of a washcloth.

How bout when God led the Israelites out of Egypt? Nope we say, pretty sure God did that all by Himself.

The Lord said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned for their suffering." Exodus 3:7

Prayer moves things in the spiritual realm. BIG THINGS. I encourage you to look through the Bible, and look at big things that happened and look before and I bet you will find either prayer or an allegory that to me says they prayed. Here's three examples to look at

Exodus 17:8-16

Nehemiah 1-2:9, 4:7-9

Acts 1:14, Acts 2

Prayer is indeed the most I can do, because through prayer I'm calling on Him who does all things.

Half Full

2009-10-25T21:27:00.000-04:00

Into my senior year of College (I graduate December of 2010) I find myself taking stock of where I am, and where I'm going. Many of my friends are graduating soon, and getting jobs, some have gotten married or are engaged. Many of my communication major friends have completed internships in preparation.

Then there's me.

I am graduating soon. I am not planning at this time to pursue a full time job with communication. Part time maybe, but even that is a slight chance. I don't have an idea of where I will be 5 years from now, or even what side of the world I will be on 10 years from now. While so many of my friends are figuring this out, I am leaving it up to Him.

Even as my plans are His to make, I still find myself looking for the pieces missing in my life. I've been focusing on what I don't have, and that has taken my eyes off Him, and those around me. But God spoke into my heart earlier in response to prayers to remind me of what I do have, and to wait.

He's told me that what I feel I am missing, is not due to myself (I have often over analyzed myself often wondering is it this?). Meantime I realized just how good I do have it right now, and the gifts God is trying to give me meanwhile.

Thank you God for speaking truth to me, not only in your whispers but also through my sisters and brothers.

Watching the Rain

2009-10-14T11:58:00.000-04:00

Sitting on campus, my mind checks out of the task before me, unable to proceed until replies to emails come in, bearing necessary information. My eyes begin taking in the view through the large windows.

Is that rain?

I train my eyes to see looking for tell tell signs. I find dark objects to focus on, and I begin to see the steady falling. Soon dots and dampness can be spotted along the sidewalk. As the rain grows heavier, it becomes easier to spot.

Oh to see the rain falling before the downpour.

Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying 'One sows and another reaps' is true. John 4:35-37

Father may I trust in you that underneath the soil, seeds are taking root, and spreading. That your work continues though hard to see. May I with patience continue working the soil, beyond the day the seeds sprouts into sight to the day it bears fruit, and my hands grow too weary to work anymore.

Unlocking

2009-10-08T10:42:00.000-04:00

My mind goes back to Sunday Breakfast...

Not the leftover pizza I ate 4 days ago before going to church. A homeless shelter that also provides meals in Philadelphia.

I recall after a morning of reorganizing the storage warehouse that really was the size of a garage except a higher ceiling, we headed back upstairs where we led a worship service.

I recall the excitement in the room, the joy flowing around, the expression of thanks to God. More than I sadly see in a lot of churches today. People who have little except the clothes they wear, incomparably rich in love, freely giving it out.

Father, teach me to love, and be loved. Teach me the way of being vulnerable, of opening my gates to let traffic in and out. Teach me to open windows so that your Spirit comes in, stirring things around. Teach me to open doors and let people in. Teach me to look beyond myself to others who also open their doors to invite me in. Teach me to love and be loved.

For love of the game

2009-09-28T23:08:00.001-04:00

I haven't been in prayer much lately, been in the Word even less. Been distracted with trying to control my future. But this weekend in Va Beach at Josh Lattimore's wedding I was reminded of this. I serve a King, who singlehandedly fought and liberated me from my prison. A King who asked me to join His ranks. A King who has great plans for me. And I just need to trust His plans, and live with what is in front of me.

I was also reminded this weekend of the love that Josh has shown me over the years. In sharing his life with me, and in encouraging me to go all out. In affirming me as a man.

And being reminded of that has given me a renewed rigor to do the same for others. To point them to the King.

It wasn't a retreat but it was all that I needed.

Fitting a square peg in a round hole

2009-09-14T17:54:00.000-04:00

Basketball players can be meticulous with repetition. Tying their shoes the same way, same socks, arm band, pre game warm up, because basketball is a game of rhythm and repetition. Above all else, basketball is mental. And as complex as our minds work, players want as much assurance as possible.

But we all get into funks in life too. Past week I've been in one. I've lacked motivation, urgency, a sense of purpose. Biking back from campus today. I decided to take a detour, to break up all the monotonous.

Settled on a shady spot in Town Commons. Then I began talking to my Father. I read another chapter in Becoming the Answers to our Prayers co-written by Shane Claiborne. Spent some time reflecting on the past week. The image of the homeless guy sitting on the corner near food lion; all of my brothers and sisters each striving to take deeper root and know God better; all the unanswered questions that float inside my head, the dreams that spawn even more. And myself, trying to figure out how I fit into everything. What God placed me here to do. Struggling to see the bigger picture and what fits where.

This I do know, and was reminded of during my detour.

He is the vine and I am the branch. Apart from Him I can do nothing.

Yes my life is jumbled right now. Yes things don't add up. But I need to be breathing Him in, and exhaling problems, worries, and anxiousness out. Keeping my ear listening in to the whispers. Acting on them.

And remaining patient and letting God put the puzzle together before my very eyes.

Vessels

2009-09-04T21:58:00.000-04:00

First impressions matter quite a bit. Sometimes too much. Within the first 5 minutes we begin to make up our mind as to whether our professor is worth respect or someone we will despise under our breath.

I wonder what the first impression Jesus gave people was?

The first miracle Jesus performs in the Bible is not to raise some one from the dead, or to demonstrate that nature bends to His will. He changes water into wine at a wedding He is attending.

Water into wine we say? But Jesus didn't drink, and why would he encourage others to drink more? Jesus did drink wine. I don't believe he ever got drunk but anyway I want to talk about why Jesus would chose this miracle as His first.

Lets look at what happens. There are empty vessels. Jesus has them filled with water, which then becomes wine, which is then consumed by all those at the wedding.

In the New Testament God reveals to us His plan of having His spirit dwell in us. In John 4 and again in John 7 Jesus describes the life we receive through Him as living water.

I believe God created us to be vessels, filled with His spirit, and then for us to pour out His spirit into other empty vessels. To be poured out and consumed.

Are we willing vessels? Are we surrendering ourselves to be filled with God's presence, voice, will, heart and love? Are we surrendering ourselves to be poured out into other empty vessels?

Or do we just want to sit up on shelves, collecting dust inside of our vessels while other vessels sit nearby missing what they no not what?

Update and prayer requests

2009-08-31T22:20:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone

Been a month since I blogged. Let me start with a personal few updates in my life.

My dad has really really high blood pressure right now so I'm concerned for him.

Started my fourth year of college. Seems like yesterday I was a freshman.

I have a beard now. Word continues to spread to the far reaches of those who remotely care. The beard is an outward representation that I feel as though after this summer I have aged and grown older.

I now have a macbook pro. Nothing fancy, just wanted something with functionality and could edit with.

I'm glad to be back in Greenville. Being away from home, I'm better able to pursue God when he calls. I don't have any thing to share just yet, but I do have a few prayer requests if you will pray those over me.

1) Pray that I would have fresh eyes to see Scripture, treasure it, and heed its message.

2) Pray for discernment to know the Lord's plan for more prayer this year, specific dates, possible worship to start the week, and a video God has laid on my heart to tell the ministries about the Lord's work in this.

3) God is also working on me to teach me to trust him, to know that bad things happen, but its all part of the plan. Expect a blog post on this within the week.

Thank you for being a partner with me for the kingdom

Breaking chains

2009-07-27T19:49:00.000-04:00

“…because whose who are led by the spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received a spirit of sonship and by Him we cry Abba Father.” Romans 8:14-15

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Battle. War. These things mark the heart of every boy and man. Back in June, as my family was harvesting potatoes, I noticed a second cousin of mine, about 7 years old now, tromping through the field like Godzilla, throwing dirt rocks into the air and watching them break apart when they hit the ground, and all the while making explosion sounds.

Sure he was just having fun, using his imagination coupled with hyperness. But he was also letting his heart come out. And no wonder considering who sits on the throne in heaven.

God is a liberator. He fights to set captives free.

“Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened or has anything like it even been heard of? Has any other people heard the voice of God speaking out of fire as you have and lived? Has any other god tried to take for himself one nation out of another nation, by testings, by miraculous signs, and wonders, by war, by a mighty hand, and an outstretched arm or by great and awesome deeds like all the things your Lord God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?” Deuteronomy 4:32-34

Just as God stormed Egypt and led His people out, today He storms the gates of hell to bring his own out of bondage. We fight alongside Him. But the war is not for the faint of heart, nor each battle for the cowardly.

I myself have often taken the easy way out. I’m the compromiser. I seek solutions that benefit most people involved. If there’s an unpleasant dispute to be had, I would put it off as long as possible.

Not…any…longer. (Pause added to emphasize the weight carried by my voice).

I am not meant to be swayed by those around me constantly; to give in, trading my convictions to please others. I’m taking a stand. This world isn’t going to understand me anyway.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us, is that it did not know Him.” 1 John 3:1

Let me be clear of this distinction. There’s a time to be gentle yes. But there’s also a time to fight and not flight. And through love you can fight, and I do believe when we love others we are called to fight for them.

Running will only delay the battle. Fighting brings liberation.

Dying

2009-07-21T17:35:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I celebrated my 21st birthday with some friends down on the beach. I came back 1) without my glassses (lost them in the ocean, this would only happen to me of course) and 2) sunburnt really bad. Day 3 post baking, my skin has begun to peel and rid itself of the old skin. My face has taken the worst of it, so I'm attempting to resurrect my skin.

Got me thinking about how we die to ourselves to become alive in Christ.

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin-because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we dies with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know what since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:6-11

Dying to myself which in my mind goes hand in hand with surrender is a common theme in my walk. Since I set out 3 years ago to follow God all the way, I continue to come back to these points. I hold Stephen (Acts 6-7) in high regard, because in Stephen, I see the end goal. To be Christ as though He'd taken the place of my mortal body. Stephen reached this point, because he layed down everything, putting God above all. We see no mention of whatever sins he struggled with, whatever weaknesses he had, because being totally immersed in Christ those things are no longer evident. They are swallowed up by the light of the risen Lord radiating outward.

That is the race I run. To reach this goal. But there yet remains weights I must cast off, that I must say goodbye to, to run even faster while my legs have it in them. In no particular order

-Complete honesty
-Sharing my burdens with others
-Idleness
-Self Importance
-Purity
-Putting God above my own desires and dreams
-Doing His will and not my own
-Loving Him with all my heart

I pray that as my desire grows, that I would leave all else behind and run with every ounce within me to Christ, and then run one step behind until the race is finished.

Revival starts with us

2009-07-18T09:43:00.000-04:00

Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the city of Greenville their sins. For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a city that does what is right, and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. “Why have we searched” they say, “and you have not seen it?” “Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed?”

Yet on the day of your searching you do as you please. You seek me only a little while, then you turn your attention away. You cannot search as you do today and expect to be heard on high. Am I supposed to answer after you seek me for only a day? Is praying only for bowing one’s head like a reed, and for getting down on your knees? Is that what you call a search, a day acceptable to the Lord?

Is not this how I want you to search me out: to loose the chains of injustice, and untie those held captive by sin, to set the oppressed free and break every chain? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and He will say: here am I.

If you do away with oppression and the pointing finger, and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noon day. The Lord will guide you always, he will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your fame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of streets with Dwellings. If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the time of worship a delight, and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. The mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 58

City of Greenville and East Carolina University, I posted this passage from Isaiah 58 which God spoke to the Israelites centuries ago. I made a few substitutions because I believe God is speaking the same to the city of Greenville.

People everywhere are seeking out God, to know Him personally, to hear His voice. We are seeking the same connection a few of our friends have who seem to love God as though they were married to Him. But as soon as we begin to search and seek Him out, we turn away to other things to bring us entertainment.

If we truly wish to know God, we have to come to Him in obedience. This means listening to God’s word, the Bible. This means setting aside ourselves to live for His Kingdom. We cannot search for God and still do as we please!

Imagine if even a tenth of the students at East Carolina and a tenth of the population in the city of Greenville lived in obedience to God?! If that tenth prayed to Him every day, His voice would be heard, His will known, and people’s lives would be changed so dramatically, we would all stand amazed at what is happening, even those who do not believe.

Seek out God, by obeying and praying. Revival starts with us as Christians from which the streams of living water flow (John 7:37-38).

For His Glory

2009-07-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

Recently I was listening to Big Fish FM 92.7 which is all I listen to now on the radio because it plays my kind of music. Yes it plays some songs over and over again but they also get me thinking with stuff like this.

Wally was talking Sat night on my way home from work about God's protection, and his personal beliefs on that. He started this train of thought by responding to an email in which a guy said, "Well I don't know about your faith, but I believe God will always protect me." Wally stated that at times God removes His protection for a greater purpose and so He doesn't always protect us as most Christians like to think. Case in point, look at the Israelites. God let them get attacked by neighboring nations when they turned to idols and sin.

I also agree. God doesn't always protect us. And here's why.

We were created to give him Glory. Check out Isaiah 43:7. And Paul also wrote in Philippians 1:20 "...Christ will be exalted in my body."

The early apostles Peter, Paul, James, John were thrown in prison, martyred, exiled, beaten, etc. Why did God not protect them of all people? Because their suffering made God more famous! It brought Him glory!!

So I urge you when bad things happen not to say "Why God did you let this happen." Instead look to how the situation brings God glory.

And I encourage you to live to bring Him glory. Its all about Him folks.

"Not to us, but to your name, be the glory"

Somethings odd with the lawnmower

2009-07-09T18:17:00.001-04:00

I take great pride in mowing grass. Comin up on my 10th year, I've learned a few tricks and the proper methods of trimming yard as opposed to cutting and butchering a yard. But today as I was mowing my aunts yard, I noticed the deck is not cutting just right. A few too many streaks and uneven places tell me the deck may have become off level. Or else the blades need tuning. I'll have to take a look at it on saturday.

Thats all for now.

Nah, I'm joking. That part is true, but I wouldnt blog about just that. While I'm looking at the deck on saturday, physically fixing things I'll probably continue to think through spiritual matters. Something about working with my hands and fixing things brings me into a state of mind where spiritual matters also become clearer.

Relationships are so darn complicated. And it can be easy to get the wrong idea by misinterpretting signals. This isn't a recent revelation but its something that has been a theme in my life for a year now. I find myself second and third guessing how best to encourage someone, knowing when honesty up front is the best course, and I'm over analyzing things or under analyzing them.

In short my head is spinning, and I keep feeling like I'm missing opportunities to say the right thing. I'm seeking signs, but then I also fail to full proof interpret them without leaving doubts wondering if it instead meant something else.

I need clarity.

So I'm going to continue to ask Him who knows all hearts which I may never begin to grasp.

Coincidence?

2009-06-30T17:55:00.002-04:00

Last week, high school students came from different youth groups across eastern NC to Roanoke Christian Camp for senior week. The theme-Humility. For those who have been on a CCF retreat, camp looked something like that. Morning worship, workshop, lunch, rec time, free time, dinner, quality time, worship, and small group time essentially with some other stuff along the way.

Our aim for the week was to teach students about humility, and also to bring them closer to God.

Monday morning during quality time, a bunch of students gathered over in a far corner of the field to just chill until worship came around. We had asked students to get about 10 feet away from each other and to make an effort to talk to God during this time. Now we knew this was hard and unusual to ask of students who have never done this before. Seeing the students over by their selves, I set off.

When I got over there, I chalked up a conversation. Some of the students initially thought they were in trouble. I just sat down and started talking with them, and explained why I liked quiet time. How I felt God spoke to me through different things. Then one student asked if it might just be all a coincidence.

So then I shared my testimony. I won’t share it here because it would take up more space, but clearly how I came to know Christ was no mere coincidence.

Then we talked about whether Christ was the only way. I could have shared John 14:6 but with skeptical minds of the Bible anyway, I went a different route.

‘Heaven sounds great and all, but I can’t really wrap my mind around that. And most people believe in a religion to explain the world around them. They prefer to believe what they believe. Myself, the more I’ve learned of God, and how Jesus lived, the more I see that He is the way to live. I’ve lived a happier life since choosing Him.’

And for the rest of the week, I set out to be as real, and honest as possible with the students. They were seeking answers they could believe in and understand.

From Deep Within

2009-06-30T17:55:00.001-04:00

I led a workshop on prayer each day, to show student how prayer brings us into intimacy with God by talking and listening, and how we need a prayer centered life. We set up a prayer room in one of the upstairs room at the gym, using the prayer wall from a week of prayer at East Carolina in April as inspiration.

The first day I had 2 guys. Then Tue, I had 7 guys. Then Wed, 3 girls. Then Thur, one girl. Small numbers that at first disappointed me. But as we got into what God’s word says about prayer and men like David who found intimacy with God through prayer, having small numbers became a huge blessing! I was able to speak with each in where they were at with their relationship with God.

I shared from my own life about prayer walking, and praying with firefighters in Detroit (funny, and amazing story here). Then about how sometimes I ramble on trying to find the right magic set of words to get a prayer answered before finally pouring out my heart to God who knows it better than I do. Small numbers in each workshop indeed created a close setting which gave my words more truth and credibility. And to start it all off, I explained the difference between knowing about God and knowing God. Eternal life after all is knowing God here (John 17:3), personally, in a real and intimate way.

Tuesday morning. Two guys came, seeking advice because of some drama that was affecting friendships. I listened, we talked, then we prayed over the matter. And later that day by early afternoon, God had answered prayer! Another student almost left camp Monday morning homesick. He also had been making himself throw up to head home. I prayed with him when we couldn’t give him any more pepto. And by Tuesday afternoon, he was looking forward to staying the rest of the week!

Unless you be born of water...

2009-06-30T17:54:00.000-04:00

Monday night I think it was, why chillin with the guys in the room back in the dorm, we were up talking usually guy stuff, and Paco was up to his tricks (see next post). In the middle of that, I got a prompting in my mind to ask the guys if they had been baptized. Jeff Jones (from Beargrass) it turns out hadn’t. He’d been thinking about it lately however and wanted to. So I asked him. We could baptize you this week if you want. We’ve got a pool and a river.

So on Tuesday I sat down with him, and went over scripture, showing him what it means to be baptized and hearing his testimony about coming to know Christ. Glen Crocker then met with him on Thursday to also gauge where Jeff was on this, and if he was genuine. Jeff was ready, and so Thursday evening after calling his parents, I baptized him in the pool about 10:30 at night.

Oh for that inexpressible joy! All throughout the week, I spent praying for God to work on hearts and to transform lives. And in a flood, he answered Thursday night when Jeff got baptized and others came forward for prayer that broke my heart and brought me to tears.

Lessons in Humility

2009-06-30T17:53:00.002-04:00

Ok. So the theme for the week was humility. Over in my room, I bunked with 4 guys, one nicknamed Paco. Paco (who looks like the friend in Ferris Bueller’s day off only shorter and still undergoing puberty) continued to push the boundary every night with his sleep attire, or lack there of. He also made a game of this, threatening to sleep in other people’s beds. So Thursday afternoon during second rec time me and Jeff moved his mattress and sleeping arrangements outside and put them on the roof of a small utility building nearby. People started coming outside and gathering to see why at which point I explained what I just shared with you.

Then came Paco a short time later. When he realized it was me, he came charging and tried to wrestle and regain his dignity. He locked on to my left wrist. Then I moved. I spun, reach down, and grabbed his ankles with my right hand, flipped him, then pinned him on the ground. Honestly, I think the Holy Spirit came over me, because the move was the perfect way to effectively disarm him without causing injury.

To Paco’s credit, he was a good sport. He crawled on the roof and wrapped up, and let others take pictures for a little while, before taking his stuff back inside. The girls rather loved this.
Then I made a bet with another guy over a game of 1-1 basketball. If I won, Tony (we’ll call him) would have to go and say 3 kind things to Glen Crocker. (‘Tony’ had been terrorizing him all week with playful banter). After 5 min, we stood tied at 1-1.Then we played 1 min of OT which I came out on top 2-1. 'Tony' headed off to speak kindly of Glen. After all we are to build up those around us.

Cat and Mouse

2009-06-30T17:53:00.001-04:00

Ok, here in as much detail as I can remember is what went down Thursday night. Got a lot of requests for this so here we go. Thursday night is prank night during senior week. Now being on staff, we knew full well that the guys would attempt to prank Kellar. And so we joined Kellar’s side in exposing them.

We knew they intended to hit the dean house where Kellar stayed. After conferring, we sent him into the house, then he crawled out the window rather stealthily then snuck over to the shadows of the bank and hid.

First we patrolled around and caught two guys trying to sneak out of the cafeteria with ice and eggs. They quickly retreated when they saw us on the golf cart. We found two more guys hiding in the rafters of a shelter next to the dining hall. They hung upside down for 15 minutes until we met up with them. Then me, Jeremy Jones, and Joe Cartwright along with Josh Morgan allied ourselves with the guys, to aid them in getting Kellar.

Complicated I know, but essentially we were playing both sides of the field, staying one step ahead, and intending to see that both got pranked. Best entertainment I’ve had in a while.

So we got the guys outside and they started working. Then kellar came out of the shadows. “What are you guys up to?” They split, 5 guys taking off, the rest heading inside the dorm. We then played jail cell and locked the doors and rounded up all but the 5 guys inside. Oh, and while Kellar buffalowed them, Chris Woolard and Glen Crocker stole all their stuff and hid it in an unused room.

The girls staff sat outside by the vball court for most of the evening, and witnessed play by play everything going down. They provided valuable intel that helped us stay one step ahead of everyone. And ladies, the reason I was shirtless, was because I had just come from the pool before all this craziness started.

So now we had 5 guys left. We started patrolling around. Kellar made use of Bonners tricycle to cover the terrain. Me, Joe, and Jeremy headed off on the golf cart. We found them in the woods over by archery. They had jumped fence, and made home in the trees and bushes, hiding in the shadows. They also relieved themselves, using leaves to clean theirselves. We got them to stay hunkered down, while we kept Kellar on a goose chase. Finally he started growing suspicious of me, Joe and Jeremy, and headed to his house, locking himself inside. He then turned his light on and off randomly for the next hour to scare people away from coming.

By this point, Josh Morgan had let the guys out of the dorm, those who were still awake. They took off down the river and rendezvoused with the 5 man vs wild group who took the long route through the shadows to come up on the other side of camp. After a few more fake searches to throw off Kellar, me and the staff turned in, and let the guys do what they may. It was 4:30am by this point, and Kellar finally went to bed.

By next morning, they tied both of kellar’s doors together with rope and teepeed his house with toilet paper. But they never figure out that he crawled out of the window the night before. So he escaped again my morning.
That essentially is what went down. I heard one unconfirmed report that while the guys were locked inside, one dude went naked cowboy from the streets of NY with just a hat and a guitar. Glad I wasn’t around for that one.

My uncle passing

2009-06-13T20:54:00.000-04:00

Thank you to those who prayed recently for my family as our uncle passed away. Let me share some of the things your prayers have brought me through

Breaking the news to my grandpa that my uncle, his son was dying, knowing how fragil my grandpas life still exists here.

Driving my grandparents, brother, and aunt all up to greenville in the middle of one of the worst storms I have ever driven through, knowing we're headed up there to see my uncle one last time.

Giving strength to my dad and grandpa, both heartbroken, and barely able to contain the tears that continue to flow.

Seeing my grandpa offering through tears to give every drop of his blood if it would keep my uncle here on earth. Knowing Jesus did offer every drop will bring me to tears later when I drop my guard, but those will be tears of praise.

Keeping my mourning in check to be able to think cleary to help everyone make better decisions with clarity.

Resisting sleep, to help around the house, and gives others who need the rest more than I the chance to catch theirselves. 2 hours got me through today, and I'll get more tonight.

My uncle's passing came as a suprise and wasn't considered a looming reality until a few days ago. I had intended to go camping with him this summer if possible, and learn to fish. But I know God has plans, and they far better than my own.

Summer Update

2009-05-25T23:17:00.000-04:00

As my home church continues to look for a pastor, I've been filling on for our 3 weekly services. I'm still reluctant to say that I am preaching, partly out of humbleness. My grandpas health (see related post) kept me distracted and busy this past week so that going in, several of the messages I brought had barely begun to cook. God took over this past sunday night though, and provided insights, I had yet to come to.

Reminds me I need more of Him and less of me.

The past few days, I've also been helping dad on the farm, and suprisingly I havn't forgotten how to drive several of the tractors, as far as shifting them, etc. Its been good hard work, and a chance to test myself.

But this past week, I havn't had much time for God. Nor to study His word, nor for prayer. Distractions continue to pull me away, and joy from coming to Him, has started slipping away.

I'm going to see if I can start claiming some hours here and there for that purpose. I need a get away rendevouz

Grandpa

2009-05-25T23:07:00.000-04:00

This past week, I've been spending time checking up on my grandpa. Long story short, he's had heart problems since having a heart attack 30 years ago. Now at the age of 83 (soon to be 84, 1 week shy of my birthday) he has one artery that remains open, and that having been added 22 years ago. At this point, there's nothing left doctors can do, except medicine, and to know that time has now grown precious.

Doctors say 6 months to a year but no gurantees.

The prognosis didn't stop my grandpa from killing 3 snakes in a row Sunday on his backporch, nor walking out often to check on the barns and the potatoes growing. Grandma keeps a close eye on him.

I'm now taking time to ask him about stories, and other things to receive what I can from him, before he's called home to our Father.

Accusations

2009-05-19T21:06:00.000-04:00

Last night as I lay in bed, reflecting on the day behind me, and the day ahead, I got blindsided. Out of the darkness and the quietness of the night, the Accuser started his charge.

He brought up previous actions, pain I'd caused others. Shame began to set in. "Hypocrite." "Unworthy to be called a follower of Him." These rang in my mind.

So I slid out of bed, got down on my knees and began to pray to my Father. I confessed these shortcomings. I prayed that the day would come quickly when I would finish surrendering my life to Him, and be used by Him completely.

As I prayed on, peace began to settle. Then recognition hit. This can only be the work of the Accuser. Sometime later I drifted off to sleep.

At some point during the night, whether in a dream, or a brief moment of consciousness before falling back asleep, this verse came into mind.

"...be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."

When I woke up the next morning, the words still stuck at the forefront of my mind. Feeling compelled to read the passage, I turned to Romans 12, there I found God's answer.

"Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."

In view of God's mercy, offer your body...be transformed...

Father, I know that my own life has accomplished little good. Like Paul, I feel compelled to say I am the worst of sinners. But Lord, you did not create me to be this way. You created me for greater purposes. And by laying aside my life, I take a firmer hold of the life you are living in me.

To you be the glory.

Volumes

2009-05-16T21:46:00.001-04:00

The other day, I fasted for some friends overseas right now, and spent the day in prayer. Fasting for the day provided no problems, now that I have some experience under by belt. This was however the first time I've fasted at home.

It was interesting to explain to my parents and brothers who still stand skeptical of the practice. My oldest brother didn't even know Christians still fasted.

I've been striving since being home, to continue do live out my faith to the fullest. That has left my mom wondering how I havn't gotten tired of God, and God's work. In years past I would burn out. But that stands as one of the furthest thoughts from my mind since God has taken up most of my heart's desire.

My actions have spoken volumes about my faith, and I pray that this would become contagious for the rest of the household...

Something sweet

2009-05-15T15:17:00.000-04:00

Still reading Way of the Wild Heart.

Thinking strongly about learning to ride horses.

Saw God's strength on display down on the beach last night. Hearing the waves crash on the shore and to remember the verse where God said He made the beach to contain the ocean was awe inspiring. Felt the wind, and watched dark clouds off shore pass by.

This past year I've come to a realization about prayer. I've found some recent prayer times to be sweet. The kinda sweet where you're up around midnight talking with someone special and knowing there is no other place you would rather be. Where the last thing you want to do is say good bye, even for only a little while.

God gave us prayer as a means of being close to Him. To come into His presence. He meant for prayer to be intimate. Now I understand why Jesus said in Matthew 6 to go into a closet to pray. If thats the only way we'll open up our hearts to Him, to get away from formal prayers, to stop thinking about putting our prayers into pleasing words, then may we all have a hide away where we can pray to God, without pretense.

2009-05-11T19:03:00.000-04:00

I've started off my summer by getting discipl(in)ed spritually. I'm working on waking up about 8am so I can have quiet time before everyone else is up and around at home. Day 1 Fail. By about 2 hours. This time I didn't nap about 4pm so I should be able to fall asleep sooner tonight...

I'm reading through "The Way of the Wild Heart" right now. Doing a lot of thinking regarding what it means to be a son of God. What having God as my Father really means.

I'm studying through the book of Matthew with that mindset. My initial thoughts come from looking at the geneaology, which I almost always skip over. When you look at a man, you see a lot of his father in him. This generally holds true. Now think about every man listed in the geneaology. Abraham, Jacob, David, Soloman, down to Joseph. God specifically chose each to become a part of the lineage. Each one possessed traits and qualities we see in Jesus, because each received them from the Father.

So I'm going to begin my summer by setting out to know my Father better...

Summer Plans

2009-05-07T09:28:00.000-04:00

As I type this, I've just completed my last exam, wrapped up my junior year. In two days, I'll be heading home for the summer. Looking back, here's how I've changed.

I tore my ACL almost a year ago in Dearborn. God has since gotten my heart, and the chance to show me the power of prayer. "His strength is made perfect in weakness."

Many prayers finally came answered this year. Adam made the decision to be baptized! The campus ministries came togegether for two weeks of prayer. And now we have a permanent prayer room! "In the last days I will pour out my spirit..."

Philadelphia, people in Greenville, those considered the "least of these" I consider the greatest. Because despite their hardships, they see more of God's love every day, and somehow they praise Him. Makes my praise seem almost worthless.

I've matured a lot over this past year as well. Granted I became more random, such as the squirreling. And I seem to come out of no where from time to time with revelations of burdens, and struggles. I still have a hard time opening up, and letting others in, with being transparent. But I also seem to care more about whats going on with others than with myself, and so I've taken more time to listen than to speak.

To you, my readers I say this. Don't stop at my shell. I invite you to crack me open. To ask questions you may not know anwers to. To dig in deep, because I do keep some stuff under the surface. A couple of close friends have been able to do this. I say this, because I'm not likely to take you there otherwise. Shame, and pride will hold me back.

I still have a few things I'm working through, but I know that I am loved. And I'm placing God more as #1 in my life. Now I don't crave attention as much as I used to. Now I don't become as depressed as before. I still disengage from time to time to think and reflect, but ultimately I'm seeking not to be such a loner, and to include others, and draw from others.

And at this point, I'm more at peace than I have been in a while. "Inexpressible peace."

I've arrived to the point, of needing summer vacation. Academically my brain is fried right now. Spiritually, I'm holding steady, but my use of the sword has grown somewhat dull. I see before me, some of what God has called me to do, but my heart needs to re-examine the why. I need to take time to be refilled with His compassion for all that He is doing.

I'm going to become a little bit of a monk this summer. Be spending heavy time in the word, in prayer, and letting God come inside to the caves I rarely dare to admit exist inside of me. Going to do some spiritual wandering, be in a "desert" of sorts. May he sharpen my mind, break down my heart, give me fresh eyes, and ears. Teach me to lay down, the things of this world.

My inclination at this point is to say all this in order to say that when I return I'll be ready to serve as a Campus Catalyst for prayer next year. To serve on Core, lead 2:42, meet 1-1, be active in Greenville and reaching out to my family. But God did not intend for me to bear these burdens alone.

And that alone now that I think about it, may be the biggest revelation I need to meditate on all summer...

All or Nothing

2009-05-04T16:39:00.000-04:00

Let me open this post with a hypothetical situation:

Suppose you go over to Best Buy and shell out $14.99 for Finding Nemo (I tried to think of something everyone would like and by impulse buy). But when you got home and began to watch the movie, it cut off 20 minutes into the movie. You try the disk several times only to realize that while you payed for the whole movie, you in fact only got the first 20 minutes. How would that make you feel?

Dissapointed? Upset? Angry?

I wonder how God feels when He bought us, and we have only given Him part of our heart?

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price..." 1 Corinthians 6:19

God gave up His only Son for us. He did this, to win all of our heart. But have we given that to Him? Do we only give Him our heart when its conveniant, when we're expected to, until there's something "fun" we can do?

"Love the Lord your God with ALL YOUR HEART..." Deuteronomy 6: 5

May God become the centermost desire of our hearts. Because when He does, we will be filled with so much joy, inexpressable peace, and we won't have to worry about if we're doing enough for God, because we will take joy in obeying Him. Sin won't even be an issue, because sin is anything that takes our hearts away from God.

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:21

Beside quiet waters

2009-04-23T23:40:00.000-04:00

Because I grew up in the church and at a christian school, there are some passages, I've heard so many times, I take for granted what they mean, and miss the amazing message God placed inside.

Psalm 23 was one of those passages.

As I sat down on what I suspect was once a chimney that now sits like a relic next to Tar River, God reminded me of how "he leads me beside still waters." And so I turned to Psalm 23 and began to read...

And He took my breath away.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. To borrow from JoMo, how stinking awsome is it, that God is my shepherd and not anyone else? Mr. Feeny, Wilson, and Morrie can all impart some great life lessons, but ain't none of them the good shepherd.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters, God always knows when I need rest, and when I need nourishment/encouragement, and thankfully He nudges me to that place, when I can be a rather numb sheep and keep trying to graze on a cliff.

He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. I'm not just living for my name, reputation or ministry. Far from it, I am living for His name. His reputation is what needs to be remembered.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and staff, they comfort me. HE IS WITH ME! And His Word, the people He uses along with other instruments, comfort me as they guide me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. The spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for prisoners. Isaiah 61:1

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I will dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER! Thats blows my mind.

Then 2 o'clock crept up, and I needed to head to campus for class. I lamented that my time with Him must be cut shorter than I'd like, but then I remembered...

He is with me. He goes where my feet go because I am a living tabernacle.

And so I sang all the way back on my bike to class.