Wrestling with Surrender

That would be the title if my life was a book. I struggle with letting go of my desires, my dreams, my heart. Deep down I know God's way is so much better and is life "to the full" (John 10:10) But I still try to bring it about my way.

What gets me the most is that I know I have so much more I can offer God. There's more I should be giving him that he's asking for. I burn like a candle when I could be a burning inferno. Its not that I have placed great expectations on myself. When I read the Bible, I know clearly what God is asking of me.

Everything.

Part of me wants to be the rich young ruler and leave, claiming the cost to be too great. Part of me wants to with reckless abandon live in obedience to Christ like Stephen.

I realized today a war will be waged for my heart until the holy city descends from heaven. But in the meantime there is so much glory to be claimed for Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Father.

That starts with every decision I make now. With whether I offer God crowns or filthy rags.

And as I see through the lies, and as light is piercing the darkness, I choose to offer my heart.

Beach Reach Review Part 1

Ok, as concise as possible (because I know I can get really talkative) I'm going to share 3 concise posts about Beach Reach.

Going into the week, I knew there would be opportunities to share God with people. I didn't expect God to work on me so much more. It is arrogance to think that I am where I need to be, and incapable of learning from others, and from those I would share God with.

In fact i needed a serious attitude change. It is God at work, not myself. It is God's word that changes lives, not my own. I should be seeking the good of others and not the good of myself. Once God removed my own ego, that was when things got really exciting to be there.

Our strength as teams led to the most exciting encounters. Together all relying on God, all listening to His spirit, we found where we needed to be for Divine Appointments. As a short term mission trip, this trip has changed me the most. I cannot say I am the same before the trip. I simply pray that all that God did in me down in PCB would be a lasting change, and in his hands, and not my own, that can be true.

Living and Dying

As I survey the landscape, my eyes behold

A tree of life, with various fruits. Many grafted into the branches, their forefathers previously having grown from the tree, but their children having been separated. Many of those fruits still bear the scars of the malnourishment they received prior to being grafted in. Many more now bear fruit.

I see other fruit all around the tree still, lying on the ground, having attempted to take root in the rocky soil, but finding no water because only the tree of life's roots tap into the stream of rushing water. The sun scorches them, they wither and bruise from the separation, the attempt to live separately. But they fail to realize they are only dying, ever so slowly.

I see a husbandman attempting to restore the fruit to the tree, taking what fruits will willingly surrender to new life, and give up striking it out alone. I see him revisit some time and time again that will not break root. He frowns, and moves on to others, not willing that any should perish, but knowing ultimately its up to each fruit to decide.

"Will I let my roots be broken, risk all I have known, to take up a new life? Will I set aside my pride of living by my own means?"

Dying

This past weekend I celebrated my 21st birthday with some friends down on the beach. I came back 1) without my glassses (lost them in the ocean, this would only happen to me of course) and 2) sunburnt really bad. Day 3 post baking, my skin has begun to peel and rid itself of the old skin. My face has taken the worst of it, so I'm attempting to resurrect my skin.

Got me thinking about how we die to ourselves to become alive in Christ.

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin-because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we dies with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know what since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:6-11

Dying to myself which in my mind goes hand in hand with surrender is a common theme in my walk. Since I set out 3 years ago to follow God all the way, I continue to come back to these points. I hold Stephen (Acts 6-7) in high regard, because in Stephen, I see the end goal. To be Christ as though He'd taken the place of my mortal body. Stephen reached this point, because he layed down everything, putting God above all. We see no mention of whatever sins he struggled with, whatever weaknesses he had, because being totally immersed in Christ those things are no longer evident. They are swallowed up by the light of the risen Lord radiating outward.

That is the race I run. To reach this goal. But there yet remains weights I must cast off, that I must say goodbye to, to run even faster while my legs have it in them. In no particular order

-Complete honesty
-Sharing my burdens with others
-Idleness
-Self Importance
-Purity
-Putting God above my own desires and dreams
-Doing His will and not my own
-Loving Him with all my heart

I pray that as my desire grows, that I would leave all else behind and run with every ounce within me to Christ, and then run one step behind until the race is finished.