Wrestling with Surrender

That would be the title if my life was a book. I struggle with letting go of my desires, my dreams, my heart. Deep down I know God's way is so much better and is life "to the full" (John 10:10) But I still try to bring it about my way.

What gets me the most is that I know I have so much more I can offer God. There's more I should be giving him that he's asking for. I burn like a candle when I could be a burning inferno. Its not that I have placed great expectations on myself. When I read the Bible, I know clearly what God is asking of me.

Everything.

Part of me wants to be the rich young ruler and leave, claiming the cost to be too great. Part of me wants to with reckless abandon live in obedience to Christ like Stephen.

I realized today a war will be waged for my heart until the holy city descends from heaven. But in the meantime there is so much glory to be claimed for Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Father.

That starts with every decision I make now. With whether I offer God crowns or filthy rags.

And as I see through the lies, and as light is piercing the darkness, I choose to offer my heart.