Broken and Blind

I've been Awol lately. Thats right. Absent without official leave.

I've been on the tightropes, getting beat up by my work load. But worst of all, I forgot where to turn and what to put my trust in. My enemy I couldn't perceive. My eyes have been swollen, my ears ringing, my nose disjointed, in short my senses had failed me.

Thankfully the guys in my corner recognized the sad state I was in, and pulled me back.

Now I'm seeking to come back.

How did I arrive at this point?

I'd forgotten where I was. Forgotten whose I was. Been trying to fight this battle on my own, only to wind up pummeled and on the ground.

I didn't feed myself or spend time in prayer because I focused too much on the physical task at hand. I began to starve and weaken. I couldn't tell which way was up.

Thanks to wise counsel, I'm picking myself up, and calling on Him who is greater than all these problems. I'm again seeking to give Him my best, and call on Him to fight these battles with me. Together we will reclaim the ground that can be reclaimed, the rest I will concede to the enemy and continue to follow the lead of my Savior and King as we move throughout the battlefield.

No more excuses, no more lying down, no more hiding in the trenches.

I'm stepping out, and retaking the initiative.

Available

What a rush Friday night. I have never seen so many people in the Boiler Room on the corner of 5th and Reade praying and worshipping in there. from 6pm-3am there was praise music, and prayers lifted up for the City of Greenville, ECU Campus, The downtown, and Pitt Community College.

I joined with Matthew Lilley and 6:22 Ministries as they led worship, and I led prayers between 7pm-9pm. After finishing our shift, I stepped into another room, while most kept going to get some water, and to physically get my bearings. Within the hour I headed back inside where I continued with others to pray, sing, and listen.

As I prayed with God I began to ask him specific questions about where he wanted me, and especially where and what during halloween. All I heard him say at that time was "Be available, be unselfish, be willing."

Its funny how when we pray, we're all in, but there's times when the mission comes up, we waver.

I started to Saturday night, when a good friend called me up needing a ride. As I talked with him on the phone, I knew he was agitated and really needed a ride. So I drove across the city, traffic was crazy, picked him up and was able to bring him back to the campus house. Did I mention traffic was crazy and getting in and out of his apartment complex meant I almost got bumped into numerous times?

Thankfully we got back without incident, and just in time to start the haunted trail which was also a source of agitation for me initially. I wanted to make sure after all the hard work we'd put into it, the tunnel got started off right, and to lessen the stress of the other planners as well.

Father, I pray that you mold my heart to be more available, to be less selfish, and to be more willing.

The most I can do is pray

Recently a friend asked me to pray for a friend of theirs. They explained the situation, and I responded that I would earnestly pray for the person. When they thanked me, I said "Its the least I can do." I minute later after the conversation had ended I thought to myself, prayer is not the least I can do...Its the most.

There's something about our Christian culture today. We read of in the Bible of all the amazing miracles, all the stories and we say wow, that's so cool. Then when we think of prayer, we think yeah, prayer is good, but seeing God stop the rain, or heal a friend is so much cooler.

We downplay prayer. Its become so ritualistic we pray like we're tying our shoes, only out of necessity. Only because we're expected to. Don't they teach in sunday school you should always pray before you to to bed?

There is enormous power in prayer. And I bet most major acts of God, if not all where preceded by prayers poured out of people's hearts, til there was nothing left to pour out, like wringing all the water out of a washcloth.

How bout when God led the Israelites out of Egypt? Nope we say, pretty sure God did that all by Himself.

The Lord said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned for their suffering." Exodus 3:7

Prayer moves things in the spiritual realm. BIG THINGS. I encourage you to look through the Bible, and look at big things that happened and look before and I bet you will find either prayer or an allegory that to me says they prayed. Here's three examples to look at

Exodus 17:8-16

Nehemiah 1-2:9, 4:7-9

Acts 1:14, Acts 2

Prayer is indeed the most I can do, because through prayer I'm calling on Him who does all things.

Half Full

Into my senior year of College (I graduate December of 2010) I find myself taking stock of where I am, and where I'm going. Many of my friends are graduating soon, and getting jobs, some have gotten married or are engaged. Many of my communication major friends have completed internships in preparation.

Then there's me.

I am graduating soon. I am not planning at this time to pursue a full time job with communication. Part time maybe, but even that is a slight chance. I don't have an idea of where I will be 5 years from now, or even what side of the world I will be on 10 years from now. While so many of my friends are figuring this out, I am leaving it up to Him.

Even as my plans are His to make, I still find myself looking for the pieces missing in my life. I've been focusing on what I don't have, and that has taken my eyes off Him, and those around me. But God spoke into my heart earlier in response to prayers to remind me of what I do have, and to wait.

He's told me that what I feel I am missing, is not due to myself (I have often over analyzed myself often wondering is it this?). Meantime I realized just how good I do have it right now, and the gifts God is trying to give me meanwhile.

Thank you God for speaking truth to me, not only in your whispers but also through my sisters and brothers.

Watching the Rain

Sitting on campus, my mind checks out of the task before me, unable to proceed until replies to emails come in, bearing necessary information. My eyes begin taking in the view through the large windows.

Is that rain?

I train my eyes to see looking for tell tell signs. I find dark objects to focus on, and I begin to see the steady falling. Soon dots and dampness can be spotted along the sidewalk. As the rain grows heavier, it becomes easier to spot.

Oh to see the rain falling before the downpour.

Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying 'One sows and another reaps' is true. John 4:35-37

Father may I trust in you that underneath the soil, seeds are taking root, and spreading. That your work continues though hard to see. May I with patience continue working the soil, beyond the day the seeds sprouts into sight to the day it bears fruit, and my hands grow too weary to work anymore.

Unlocking

My mind goes back to Sunday Breakfast...

Not the leftover pizza I ate 4 days ago before going to church. A homeless shelter that also provides meals in Philadelphia.

I recall after a morning of reorganizing the storage warehouse that really was the size of a garage except a higher ceiling, we headed back upstairs where we led a worship service.

I recall the excitement in the room, the joy flowing around, the expression of thanks to God. More than I sadly see in a lot of churches today. People who have little except the clothes they wear, incomparably rich in love, freely giving it out.

Father, teach me to love, and be loved. Teach me the way of being vulnerable, of opening my gates to let traffic in and out. Teach me to open windows so that your Spirit comes in, stirring things around. Teach me to open doors and let people in. Teach me to look beyond myself to others who also open their doors to invite me in. Teach me to love and be loved.

For love of the game

I haven't been in prayer much lately, been in the Word even less. Been distracted with trying to control my future. But this weekend in Va Beach at Josh Lattimore's wedding I was reminded of this. I serve a King, who singlehandedly fought and liberated me from my prison. A King who asked me to join His ranks. A King who has great plans for me. And I just need to trust His plans, and live with what is in front of me.

I was also reminded this weekend of the love that Josh has shown me over the years. In sharing his life with me, and in encouraging me to go all out. In affirming me as a man.

And being reminded of that has given me a renewed rigor to do the same for others. To point them to the King.

It wasn't a retreat but it was all that I needed.