First off, for those who have been praying for me since my last post, thank you. Your prayers gave me the strength to seek out brothers in Christ and to confess some of the problems that were going on. Some of it did have to do with the previous post about sin.
Back in January, I did comitt some sin, that was far out of character for me. Looking back, I can't say what I was thinking, but convictions I had held for years went out the window. I knew afterwards that what I had done, went against God's word, and against the "new man" He is transforming me to become.
As a Christian, I don't have this life figured out. I don't have everything together in a nice neat package. One day, God may be answering my prayers right before my eyes. The next, i wonder if I even have the faith to pray. On a thursday, the Holy Spirit might be speaking through me with words of fire, and by friday morning I'm seeking forgiveness for yet again wondering from the fold.
The part that brings tears to my eyes is that I don't have to be perfect now. Christ didn't come to die for those who were holy. He came for the lonely, the depressed, the lunatics, the thieves, for the 16 year old father, and the 15 year old mother. Christ is working in me yes, and only by Him can I begin to even be His ambassador. But for now, while I am being sanctified, I know that only by His grace am I here.
Without Him, I am a branch cut off from the tree, withering, dying. But grafted into Him, drawing from the root, I give forth fruit.