Sunday, April 12, 2009

Got my Hands Tied

"This is the word that came to Jeremiah form the Lord: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shapping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like clay in th hand of the potter,so are youi in my hand...Jeremiah 18:1-6

For the past two years of my Christian walk, as I've really begun to pursue Jesus in my life, following Him in everything. The race before me to do this, has been that of the course of letting go, surrendering my life to Him, letting Him have His complete way in my life. School has kept my hands tied though as I run this race.

Two years ago, after my freshman year, I nearly quit East Carolina, desiring to plunge straight into ministry, to be able to serve God as my vocation. After talking with my parents, I chose to still pursue a degree at ECU before serving in a ministry capacity. I don't regret the decision, because I've learned so much since then, being a part of Campus Christian Fellowship. CCF in fact has equipped me with a stable walk, so that I now pursue God on a regular basis and not in serious lapses as before. CCF has in fact been my only motivation to stay in school at times.

Even now, I'm sitting in the library. Its 11:30pm. Came over at 9:00pm to do some research for a 10 page paper due next week that has yet to be started. Also planned to work on a portfolio project also due next week. In 2 hours time I have nothing to show for it. Most of the time, I sat starring at the wall, completely unmotivated or looking up random things on the internet like youtube videos of sun drop. I'm just tired of assignments keeping me from His presence, from connecting others to Him, to spending time waiting and wrestling in prayer, meditating on His word.

My friend Daniel Mejia is stuck in the same rut. He wants school to be over so he can put God back at #1 in His life, and return to the joy of following Him every day. Daniel unlike me, has stayed committed to his school work, often for hours on end at the library.

I know that school has equipped me with good things, even now with the classes that I'm taking and the classes I have next semester I am gaining valuable knowledge. But when my heart is all out running one way, while my mind is forced another way, I can't help but be frustrated.

Still, I know God's will is for me to be here. And I need to learn to be content with the ways God is working in me, preparing me to be able to one day live all for Him. And just as Paul had a thorn, so I have mine.

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