What's In A Name?

When our daughter was younger, one of our joint activities involved me building a tower with blocks and her knocking it over and watching the blocks go tumbling. To a lesser extent she still enjoys this past time only now she's capable of building her own towers. 

Over the past year I've been listening to a series of podcasts by BEMA.  At a conference in 2017 I participated in a workshop by Marty Solomon who runs BEMA. He provided a fresh look at scriptures using concepts he had learned while studying under Rabbis. If you stop and think about it, our Bible was written not by westerners in the 21st century, but over a period of centuries on three different continents in three different languages by about 40 authors. Mostly of Middle Eastern and Eastern European descent. Naturally there's a cultural barrier that we fail to cross and thus are left with many passages in the Bible that leave us confused. Or we only scratch the surface of the truths that lie inside because we study these with 21st century western eyes. 

Listening to the BEMA podcasts (admittedly when I'm not listening to a fantasy football podcast) has allowed me to discover truths in Scriptures that I previously missed. One of the recent podcasts I listened to again was about the tower of Babel. If you're not familiar or vaguely familiar with the passage, I encourage you to read it here. 

This passage should raise questions. Genesis as a whole really sets the stage for the narrative of the whole Bible. Just like the opening crawl in Star Wars, or the opening narration in Lord of the Rings, our world needs context. Why are things the way they are? Why is evil and suffering in the world? How are we created? Why are we cut off from God? Genesis answers these questions, with the rest of the Bible telling the narrative of how God is making things right. So how does this story involving the tower of Babel fit into the background? 

Following the fall in garden of Eden and the murder of Abel by Cain, people begin to multiply. God instructed Adam's descendants to increase and multiply and to spread out over the earth (Gen. 1:28). Despite some of this descendants calling on the name of the Lord (Genesis 4:26), Adam's offspring turn to sin until God starts anew by preserving Noah and his family from the devastating flood. God again repeats his command to increase, multiply and spread out over the earth (Gen. 9:7). 

But we see in Genesis 11, that his offspring have journeyed eastward from where God planted them following the flood and are remaining as one people, in one place. They invent the brick which allows for greater construction efforts than previously imaginable. Then they decide to build a city with a tower that will reach the heavens so they can make a name for themselves and not be scattered over the earth.

Why? 

Why are they afraid of being scattered? Do they fear loneliness? Isolation? Why do they feel the need to make a name for themselves? Why are they trying to reach the heavens? 

Genesis 1:26 tells us man was created in God's image. That is the name of mankind. Made in God's image. And yet here we see mankind wanting to make a new name for themselves. They don't want to be known as God's creation. They want to boast in their own accomplishments. 

Why do they journey east of where God planted them following the flood? Maybe they are looking for their own home and not the home God has given them. Maybe they are searching for something that's missing. 

Why do they fear being scattered? Do they already feel cut off from their connection with God? Is that why they are building a tower to reach the heavens? Or are they trying to again make themselves gods, just as Adam and Eve attempted to become like God by eating the forbidden fruit?

God sees all this and says "Come let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." And thus the work grinds to a halt. The people scatter to the four corners of the earth. 

Notice how God says "Come let us go down." That's God the Father, Son and Spirit at work here. Why does God choose to confuse their language? He's not punishing the people. He's not placing a curse on them. But he confuses their language. I don't personally have answers to that. Ultimately I believe God is sending a message to the people that they cannot make a new name for themselves. They cannot make themselves equal to God. That their name is "made in the image of God." 

Like the fall in the Garden of Eden, we see another attempt by man to break away from God's purpose and to set ourselves apart from his design and purpose. We see another attempt to replace God's role in our lives by placing ourselves in his place. But beginning in Genesis 12, we will see God taking another step in pursuit of mankind. 

The power of a look

It's been a while since I blogged. To provide a bit of a life update, Alaina is now two years old and keeps my wife and I pretty busy. Last fall I left my position with Christian Student Fellowship at Penn State. I won't go into the reasons behind that decision, but since that time I've been able to be more present with my family. Getting Alaina to go to bed and stay in bed has been a struggle recently and despite the time spent each night, I'm glad I can be home to help put Alaina in bed.

Earlier tonight Alaina was cuddled in my lap as we sat in the rocking char. I had just finished singing the hymn "It is well with my soul" which is one of our regular bed time songs. As I rocked her she looked up at me at one point. I looked down and smiled. She saw my smile and smiled back. This went on for several minutes with her looking up, me smiling back, and this big grin spreading across her face. 

At two years of age Alaina can already tell when we're happy and when we're upset. And she takes her cues from us. When we celebrate something she claps her hands. If we get scared because she's about to do something she shouldn't, she get's upset. 

There's a lot of power in a simple look. Each expression communicates a message, intentional or unintentional. 

This weekend we are observing Easter. Not willing that anyone should perish apart from Him, God sent Jesus into the world to communicate face to face His heart for His people. In Jesus we see the compassion God has for the lost (Matthew 9), the anger He feels over man's greed (John 2), and the heartache He experiences when He sees us suffering (John 11). In Jesus we see God's delight in His Son (Matthew 3) and we see a glimpse of the delight He has with us. Romans 8 tells us we are co heirs with Christ and if we are brothers and co-heirs how much more does God also delight in us?!

In Jesus we also see the Father turn his face away (Matthew 27). Jesus takes our sin upon Himself. He takes our punishment upon Himself. He takes God's wrath upon Himself. Everything Jesus experiences on the cross, the rejection, the mocking, the suffering, was meant for us. Before we accepted Christ God was turning His face away. But because of Christ He turns His gaze back towards us. 

And He smiles. 

As we celebrate the risen Savior, let us reflect on the face of Jesus. What do you see in His face this Easter? Joy? Sadness? Delight? Concern? Whatever you see, know that God wants to delight in you. 

The Power of Transformation

One of the key stories we look at during Foxholes here at Penn State is Mark 5:1-20. In the story Jesus encounters a man possessed by demons. This man had been alienated from his family, and culture. No one could help him. He broke chains that tried to subdue him, and cut himself with stones, crying out every day/night.

Then he meets Jesus. As powerful as this man was, Jesus was stronger. Jesus drives the demons out of the man, and his personality instantly changes. Now the man is calm, sober, and even dresses himself in new clothes. The people were amazed and terrified of Jesus at the same time. Amazed because Jesus made whole the unreachable. Terrified of the power Jesus wields to change lives.

And when the man begs to follow Jesus, He gives him a different assignment. Why didn’t Jesus accept this man as a disciple? Jesus instead sends him home to his family to share what God has done for him. The result? The people in his hometown were amazed at this life changing miracle.

Sure he could have impacted the world as one of Jesus’ 12 disciples. We might have even learned his name down that path. But instead Jesus sends him to be a witness for him in a city that Jesus likely never visited Himself.

As Christians we know we should be telling others about Jesus. But often we feel unprepared, inadequate. This man had only spent a single day with Jesus. But he recognized how Jesus had changed his life, and that alone transformed him into an effective witness for God.

We don’t have to know the Bible cover to cover, or have a seminary education to lead others to Christ. The power of our own story and how Jesus works in our lives is enough for God to use.

Don’t be afraid! Tell the world your story and what God has done for you. I have found that often the world will pay more attention to your story of transformation, than the life of one man changed thousands of years ago.

Who will you share your story with?

Noisy Lives

I have returned to the blogging world. My wife and I continue to do ministry at Penn State. Our baby will be here in 8 days or less!

This past semester we have been speaking on spiritual rhythms at CSF. Last Tuesday I spoke about the listening to God. The following are some of the thoughts I shared.

There’s a difference between knowing truths about someone and knowing someone. Example: Have you heard of God’s goodness or have you experienced his goodness for yourself? God doesn’t want us to just know things about him. He wants us to know him personally.

How we get to know someone personally is by spending time with them. But in our culture today undivided attention is at a premium. We talk to one friend, and text another. When we think about it, our lives are very noisy.

In 1 Kings 19:1-18, there’s a story about a man who hears from God, but has to look beyond the noise to do so. Elijah was a man on the run, ready to throw in the towel. Elijah desperately needed to hear encouragement from God.

But when God speaks, he doesn’t speak in a spectacular or supernatural way. Instead God spoke to Elijah as a gentle whisper.

God still speaks to us today, but often His voice is drowned out by the noise in our own lives. When Jesus was on earth, his life became very noisy with all the crowds following him to see miracles, or to hear his teaching. When Jesus needed time with God the Father, he would separate himself and seek quiet time with God. In Mark 1:34 we read:

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed.”

If you desire to know God personally and not just know things about him, then you will have to cut the noise out of your life, detaching yourself for a little while in order to hear that still small voice.

Don’t be afraid to turn your phone off for 15-30 minutes. If you’re out for a drive, leave the radio off, and spend time praying to God. God wants uninterrupted time with you. You will have to decide how much you want to experience God.

Meaningful Prayer

It's been too long since I last regularly updated my blog. I will be making more of an effort to share what God is teaching me as well as observations from my walk with God. So let's get back at it!

During the summer our CSF (Christian Student Fellowship) staff have been starting our staff meetings on Monday morning by spending some time in Psalms. This past Monday we read Psalm 5. As we dug into the passage one verse really caught my attention:

"In the morning Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

Lately life has been busy with a seemingly endless list of tasks. You would think summer session would mean campus ministry slows down quite a bit. But between moving, spending time at a church camp, meeting new students, life remains busy. In the middle of that I've noticed my prayers mainly revolve around meal times.

Just the other day as I felt the pressure of everything I needed to get done over the next two weeks I found myself calling out to Jesus. As I asked for his help with these burdens I realized how little I've had meaningful prayer time lately.

Often we pray to God like we're leaving someone a voicemail. We dial, we leave a message for why we're praying, then we say "in Jesus name Amen" This is why Psalm 5:3 stood out to me. Here David would share with God what lay on his heart, then he would wait expectantly. David gave God time to reply, and while he waited, he enjoyed God's presence. Reading that my heart immediately begins to desire some uninterrupted time with God. Time where I can set aside all the "to do's" and just enjoy Him.

Summer may have presented more of a work load than I first anticipated, but some of that load will have to wait until after I take some time in my day to spend with Jesus.

Minefields and Blind Faith

Last week we began to meet freshman who are beginning their academic career here at Penn State. About 20 students new to CSF came out to play Ultimate Frisbee. That evening we also kicked off our Summer Bible study with an introductory night but the real highlight was God showing up and showing off.

For Bible study, we had 4 new students who'd also played frisbee with us earlier that afternoon. After some introductions we took part in navigating each other through a mine field with our eyes closed and only listening to our partners instructions to safely pass through. Some students only got a few steps in before suffering casualties, others made it safely through. (Note to readers, the mines consisted of squares of bubble wrap that popped when stepped on!)

Watching the students display different styles of giving/following instructions became a big discussion topic afterwards as we talked about the importance of knowing who you can trust. Sometimes in life you have to step out in blind faith not knowing what's ahead and have to trust those around you who do  see the picture. Following God is a lot like that.

Between the discussion, and the rousing success of the minefield, and the attendance of students new to the ministry, we had plenty to praise God for that evening and the next few days. Then on Sunday and Monday, I found myself anxious over how well our study would continue this week. "Will we have another great discussion?" "Is Nick prepared enough?" (Nick is a fellow staff member and recent graduate of Penn State). "Is there another activity we could use to engage students interest?"

Then last night while reading through the story of the Ten Lepers in Luke 17:11-19 God smacked me in the face. Once the ten found themselves healed, only 1 returned to praise God. The other 9 continued on with their lives. Even though I gave credit to God last week for our Bible study, this week I'd fallen back into a mindset of thinking our success depended solely on ourselves.

Father forgive me for such thinking. We can only bear fruit by abiding in you.

Which reminds me of a statement Buzz made two weeks ago in our campus minister's class. A statement I've never heard any other church or ministry declare before. "We cannot guarantee our own fruitfulness. God is responsible for that."

I see myself needing time to continue adopting to that mindset. I will likely continue to discover areas in my mind and heart where I still believe it's all up to us. But in truth, it's all up to God.

Preparing for marriage

What a whirlwind the past few weeks have been! I still can't believe I drove from NC to PA, then from PA to KS, then from KS to PA, and now find myself in SD after flying. Getting everything moved from two different states to our new home in PA went much smoother than I would have hoped. Even some automotive work on the Jeep before leaving for KS only proved a minor battle.

This morning I'm enjoying a rainy day. Normally I like sunshine, but I can't stop gazing out the house windows today. My spirit is drinking in the rain.

Most of the wedding preparations finished, we just have final details to put together this week. Getting ready for marriage however is a process I see now God has been directing for a few years in my life. Marrying Joanna has not been a decision I entered into lightly, but one I made knowing our marriage would be a means for God to continue sanctifying both of us. While nobody else could make me happier than Joanna, choosing to continue seeking to know each other completely, to love and desire one another will require work on both our parts. And we are ready as we can be.

What I've realized this past week is how much strength it takes. I'm not talking physical. I'm talking about spiritual, mental, and emotional strength required to provide reassurances daily. I'm finding it takes a lot of strength to not only fight for Joanna, but to fight with her against spiritual attack. Yes we have a different approach to grocery shopping. We handle stress and conflict differently. Being humble through those moments, acknowledging that our way isn't the only way, and showing control requires strength.

Abiding in God, walking by his grace, and receiving his love will replenish my strength that I can continue to offer to Joanna. Marriage will continue requiring strength, continue to be a means by which God transforms us. Marriage will at times be hard. But our marriage will be worth it. Our marriage will be worth everything because we will paint a portrait of what God's love for mankind looks like.

Measuring one's life

Yesterday I made the move from the coast of NC to the mountains of PA, leaving the place I've called home for nearly 25 years of my life. After weeks of purging and trips to the Salvation Army and home, my life's belongings fit into my Jeep and a trailer, materially speaking in a box.

Watching the series finale of the Office with two of my closest friends, and getting dinner with two more close friends from my days in Greenville capped off my chapters of life in Wilmington. Having a hard time saying goodbye to those friends (for now) reminded me how dear they've become to me.

Moving, getting married, so many other little things changing essentially means I'm completely starting over within the next few months. Amidst all this change I have to wonder how do you measure one's life?

Life doesn't come down to what you have, don't have, or can't part with materially.

Life doesn't come down to where you live whether its near the beach in a first world country or the jungle of a third world nation.

Life is having friends who will miss you and take some time out of their busy days to say goodbye and to give you hugs. Having friends who check in to see if you made it safely, friends who help you move out/move in.

Life is knowing you've impacted the lives of others, even as their lives have impacted yours. Life is knowing God as worked in you in such a way, that your fiance is proud to take on your name. Life is encountering the beauty of God, and being privileged to experience his beauty not only living in the mountains but in 3 weeks, my wife.

Life is knowing that ultimately this isn't our home, but only a shadow of the things to come. (Colossians 2:17)

Revolutionary Teaching

About a month ago I started reading/studying through 2 Corinthians as I prepare to reach Penn State and begin ministry on campus.

This morning I did some reading in chapter 6 which led me into the beginning of chapter 7. As I read I absorbed the teaching about living differently from non believers. Even while I meditated on this, I glazed over the OT reference (6:17-18), but once I reached 7:1 a lightbulb finally went off.

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

We seek to live lives of holiness not because we are better than others, not even because we think by our actions we can be righteous. Our deeds have no bearing on our standing with God. Why then do we seek to live lives of holiness? Out of reverence for God.

This is definitely a truth I want to memorize to quote later for the purpose of teaching why we live as we do.

What promises then lead us to worship God in this way?

"Therefore come out from them and be separate says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Now this OT reference means something to me. God the creator of the Universe  who could destroy the earth in an instant if he chose will be a father to us. As Christians we sometimes take this for granted. Sure God is our father we say. Some of us even scratch our heads and wonder why this isn't a big deal to other people. "They must be crazy to not want God to be their father" we think.

Then my mind went to John 5:18 and how the jews "tried all the harder to kill him; not only was he breaking the sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God."

To call God our Father is revolutionary teaching in most cultures, and in some religions purely heretical, worthy of death. This is another truth that distinguishes Christianity as a faith unlike any other to a humanity that during it's brief history has mostly regarded a deity as one who rarely cares what is happening to people.

Wow.

Let's not only celebrate how great our God is, but seek to introduce the world to him as Father!!!

Waiting Expectantly

In Matthew 25, we find Jesus telling a parable about a bridal party waiting on the bridegroom to arrive. They didn't know when to expect him, except to wait and to be ready for his arrival. The waiting goes well into the night, and finally when he arrives, only half the party is ready.

What does it look like to long for Jesus, to wait for his coming, and when he comes, to still be ready?

For Joanna and I, having courted long distance since last fall, we encounter this leading up to and following every visit we make to see each other. During the two weeks before, we grow more and more excited to have time to spend together in person. In the weeks that immediately follow, we find ourselves missing the other rather significantly.

After returning from the midwest this past week, it occurred to me while I was waiting to board my plane in Kansas City that the disciples must have cried following the death of Jesus, even following his ascension back into heaven. During both times, the disciples are said to have remained together, undoubtedly readjusting to life without their master physically present, eating the same meal as them, etc.

When I go without quiet times, or miss the opportunity to either worship Jesus or spend time in His word, my heart should likewise ache.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come backand take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4

As I count the days until moving, I know Joanna and I will soon be together permanently as we get married June 8th and by June's end, settle down in Pennsylvania. Longing for Jesus, however, will continue, especially as no one knows the day nor hour of when He wil return, or when I will see him face to face. 

Making Decisions

Recently I listened to a podcast by Timothy Keller about decision making and God's guidance. The message proved timely, considering the day I took in the message was three days after deciding to accept a staff position at Penn State University with the Christian Student Fellowship. Later that same  day upon taking in the podcast I also proposed to my now fiance. 

One of his points reiterated some teaching I'd also digested from "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. Keller asserted that while God plans out our life, many of the decisions are up to us. Whether we decide one way or another, God will plan our lives accordingly, but we are responsible for what we decide. Chambers likewise asserted that God doesn't call some people to missions and not others, but that he calls all and the decision is up to us. 

In Isaiah 6, the prophet over hears God asking the question "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" Isaiah responds with "Here am I. Send me!" God didn't single out the prophet, but the prophet saw the need and responded with a willing spirit. With Penn State, I saw the need for additional staff on campus. After seeking to minister to college students for several years, and aiming to be campus ministry staff full time, the choice was clear. My only alternative consisted of remaining on the sidelines of full time ministry, and continuing to live a life that would have been more self serving and less dependent on God through faith. 

Likewise with Joanna. During college I came to see that the soul mate idea was complete fiction. There is no one perfect person out there for everybody. Paul himself asserted that for some people, it is better to remain unmarried in order to focus solely on God's kingdom without the commitments a family makes. He also asserts that for some people, it is better to marry if they can impact God's kingdom in a more holy way together than separate. Every relationship requires work, trust, and commitment to meet the needs of your spouse exclusively while also having many of your needs exclusively met in return. Spouses can't meet every need, and indeed God must be the well you draw from first. You also need to keep your base of friends and family. But meeting needs requires work.

With Joanna, I saw early on her heart to worship God. I saw a heart that was close to Him, and drew close on a consistent basis through prayer, scripture, teaching, and being involved in missions. I saw in her a spirit I could truly trust, and someone who would equally desire to minister to others in her own way (currently through nursing). Our purpose drew from Ephesians 5, my aim being to ultimately help her to bring more glory to God.

After several months of intentional courting, I came to a point of believing I could better serve Joanna as a husband, and if she was willing, she as my wife. Thus I chose to propose. Marriage is  no light decision to be made, nor did I decide lightly. But I decided with a Godly purpose. When you make decisions based on scripture, out of consideration for others, and what will be best for yourself, there's often no wrong choice to be made. 

"Who is this?"

Mark 4:35-41 contains a passage I’m pretty familiar with, recently as I was reading through, the thought struck me how this is a typical Sunday school story, one often repeated to kids in church. Every so often I come across passages like this and have to intentionally slow down, and really ask God to show me something to chew on.

This time He directed my thoughts to how the disciples really questioned God. They question whether he cares about their well-being, and once he actually calms the waves and the wind, they question “Who is this? Even the win and the waves obey him!”

This led me to ask myself the question how often do I question God? Surely not often I tell myself, I trust God completely I think to myself.

But the more I pray, the more I realize I question God, just not in obvious ways. My questioning, my doubt in him comes in subtle ways such as acting without seeking his direction, assuming I know best.

Questioning God seems preposterous, like the disciples wondering if Jesus even cared whether they drowned or not. The answer seems obvious, and yet we doubt God anyway.

When I choose not to be obedient to his word, to not give a tithe, to not pray his will, or ask his permission, I question his sovereignty and declare I know better.

Father, enter into my questioning heart. I know I will question you in the future, but speak louder in those cases and challenge me to place more faith in you. Let me actively seek to corral my heart into trusting you more.

Under the hood currently

I’ve come to discover two things over the past few months, made clear more recently like a giant mental billboard.

I have some amazing opportunities at both jobs to reveal Jesus. I may not have the opportunities to sit down with a Bible, or pray with someone without being asked by a manager to stop chatting and keep working, but I still have opportunities to display what Jesus is about, and to go against the stream of where culture is headed today.

My co-workers see that I don’t go out and get myself wasted on weekends, that I use clean language, etc. They find it odd/different how I’m dating/courting a girl, like how we don’t stay in the same apartment/house as each other when we visit. Some of the other boundaries are crazy to them too. That I will pause my job when human need arises at a very personal level reveals a work that is in me that is far beyond anything I can humanly be intentional about. It’s not campus ministry where I can take someone through scriptures over the course of an hour or two, and provide guidance to someone who is at a stage in their life where they are deciding the course of their life, but I can have a huge impact all the same.

Secondly, I am finally coming to realize how big a need I have to be fathered right now. I’ve known for months that I crave time with father figures in my life. I leap at chances to even cut wood with someone, assemble a sign, or any other activity that puts me in company with older men. I have a dad yes, and he was there for me growing up. He read bed-time stories to me, showed me how to shave, how to drive, change oil etc. But that wasn’t nearly enough time spent together. Living in Wilmington, getting home every two-three months, I realize I miss this even further.

I have a huge void in my life. Working with Glen while I interned with UNCW temporarily filled this void, but now since my internship wrapped up, I’ve only seen him on a few occasions, and never more than ten minutes. I’ve reached a point where I have to let God father me, and rely on him to provide fathering through humans as He sees fit, providing gifts I treasure.

Not an area I expected to discover in my quiet time last night, but a place I want to travel now with God.

Aiming High

Recently I’ve been thinking about who I am. Am I who I want to be? How do other’s see me? I’ve been taking a self-inventory if you will.

I’ve become aware over the past few years that to some people, I give the impression of having it all together. To them I appear as one who struggles with little, a poster boy of what being Christian means. I appear at peace.

Some of my friends know otherwise. They know how I’ve struggled. Like when I seek to resolve conflict, I become pushy while seeking resolution. I’ve struggled with confidence, and insecurities, some dating back to middle school. I scrutinize myself under a fine microscope, comparing myself to the life Christ lived himself, to Paul, and others. I try to hold myself to a high standard because as I face hard questions Christianity presents, I seek to answer them the way I feel God would have me.

But I fail so many times at being where I want to be. I don’t find myself compassionate enough to the homeless and the hungry. I’m not humble enough to admit a mistake to an arrogant co-worker. And so I berate myself, and say I’ll do better.

Paul says it well in Romans 7:14-25. “I have desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing.”

I am reminded like the Lost Son in Luke 15 that I cannot work to bring about my own redemption, I cannot earn my own restoration, cannot work enough to restore what I’ve lost and continue to lose. Last year God taught me much about having faith in Him, this year it is about faithfulness to Him.

And in light of all this, Paul’s words finally lose the sound of being cliché, and a truth hammers home for the first time. “Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-Through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Only God’s grace through Jesus can save me from myself, and only His grace can take me where I want to go. I am powerless to do anything except to throw up my hands, admit futility, and receive God’s grace.

By the same token, I’m finally accepting that I cannot force growth and maturity as a Christian. I have to surrender and accept growth from God. I am a plant that is dependent upon rain, sunlight and, nutrients in the soil. I cannot control them, or place them on a cycle. I must receive what comes.

I must surrender, even as my human nature fights to have responsibility for my growth and my sanctification. 

The trap of speculation

Last night before I went to bed I spent some quiet time in a devotional by John Eldridge. He’s one of my favorite author’s.

He shared some thoughts about a conversation his wife and him had over breakfast about sanctifying one’s imagination. Part of his thought process went on briefly to consider speculation as part of one’s imagination. From there it hit me just how big a trap speculation can be. Satan is known as the father of lies, and like a master of strategist, he knows in a war to attack the lines of communication. He knows to distort the truth, and to heighten fears.

Speculation preys upon fears, and failed expectations.

“They haven’t called yet. They probably would rather talk to someone else.”

“My car engine’s making a funny sound. The engine is probably about to blow up.”

Speculation takes advantage of fear to sow seeds of mistrust. Speculation turns those fears into anger, and further into pain. Eldridge hit the nail on the head when he called speculation godless. We have to be careful not to let speculation run rampant.

“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

We have to focus on what is fact and what is truth, and often remind ourselves of the two to combat speculation and to see through Satan’s attempts to trap us.

Why I think a recession is good for America

Yesterday evening I met up with some guys at a local McDonalds and we began to share what God’s been teaching us lately, and what we’ve seen on the mission field recently. Why we shared about some different destinations each of us has visited in the past year, we ultimately circled back to America as a mission field.

Did you know there are countries that send missionaries here?

There are. Recently some Americans were flying to South Korea and while at the airport, ran into some Koreans inbound from their destination. As they talked the Americans shared about their missionary journey to S.K. The Koreans to the Americans surprise were headed to America for the same purpose!

Many people groups across hundreds of countries have never heard the name of Jesus in their language; many don’t even have scriptures to turn to. And yet here in America we find barriers to the Gospel as prevalent as anywhere. And a majority of people could only tell you very little to none about the Gospel.

Wealth has lulled us into complacency, given us a false security. We rely on ourselves, seeking peace, love, and a good moral conscious. We seek to find a great playing job, have some stocks in the market building interest and bringing in a bigger return. Our very culture is one of endless forms of entertainment to pass away the time.

Our culture bombards us with enough to distract us, to turn our attention from God. We supplement the good things he desires to give us with our own provisions.

And here is why I think a recession is good for America. Great for the church even. We are forced (some of us, but not all) to make do with less. We must look beyond ourselves to fulfill our needs. We are reminded what is truly important.

“But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given unto you as well” Matthew 6:33

Coming to Grips

For the past year God’s impressed upon me in various ways and through various sources a truth contained in two verses.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Those two verses carry the core of Christianity, the way of following Christ. Those two verses set us apart from indigenous religions that attempt to manipulate God into doing our will. Those two verses set us apart from religious which tell us we have to complete specific good works to earn our redemption with God. And I’ve known for some time now in the grand scheme of my life that I can’t do enough good things to make myself right with God.

But I’ve found recently that while I know I cannot commit any action to improve my standing with Him, I still buy into the idea that by omitting certain actions I will find myself more in the right spot. It’s a subtle difference, but it’s the same false belief.

I think if I choose to be less selfish for example that I will be more in step with the Spirit.  Oswald Chambers points out in “My Utmost For His Highest” that we can only be right with God by accepting the redeeming sacrifice of Christ. We have to admit we are powerless to affect our own righteousness and must depend solely on God.

Ultimately by reaching this point, we should find freedom. Freed from the burden of constantly striving to improve our condition, we can be wrapped around by the arms of God even more. Thus we have surrender in freedom, although freedom through such means goes against our human nature and intellect.

For me personally I know this will mean more wrestling and even down the road I will struggle over this at times. But moving forward, I’m spending time in prayer and coming to grips with all this.

Wonderful Overkill

This past week has been rather crazy. A couple of surprises and a couple of turning points. Some good, some bad. But they came all at once seemingly, and I've not had time to truly process them all yet. Add in work, and feeling disconnected from the larger body of Christ, and I've found myself quite exhausted physically but especially spiritually.

So I went in to work at 7am, got off by 4, packed, ran an errand and hit the road for home to attend some memorial services for a great aunt. On the ride home I switched through some different tracks to keep me awake and alert. Eventually I turned off the music and answered the whispers of "Come unto me" that I'd felt more urgently the more tired I got.

What started off as a rushed, clumsy voicemail of a prayer led me to spiritually fall on my knees. (I was still driving, hands on the wheel and feet where they should be so key word there is spiritually).

How often we misuse the word wonderful. We go out to eat, devour some friend chicken and we call it wonderful. Break down the word, and let's focus on wonder. Not as in "I wonder why Hawaii has an interstate" and yet you can't drive to another state on it.

When were you last filled with true wonder? Something that left a lasting impression on you? Like seeing a shooting star so close over head it's really a huge blue fireball? (Saw one such with a group of ECU friends back in 2010).

God is wonderful. The God of wonders (to use a popular but sometimes overplayed song). The God of wonders so amazing, each of them leaves a life impression on us. Similar is awesome (another overused word) to leave us in awe.

Suddenly throwing out "God you are awesome, and you are wonderful" is more than words, more than a cliche, more than a rushed automatic greeting at the start of a prayer. Suddenly they overwhelm us and make us truly worship.

And somehow in that moment, the burden gets a little lighter.

What does God delight in?

Recently I began to read My Utmost for his Highest, and devotional by Oswald Chambers (some have called it the best devotional out there). One of the readings two days ago was taking about joy. Chambers wrote that one of the last marks of intimacy between people is to share secret joys. Things that really bring you happiness.

I'm still undecided on if I believe that's really one of the last marks of intimacy crossed between two people. Maybe it is, but this got me thinking as Chambers went on to ask how often do we ask what brings God joy?

This brought me to a screeching halt, much like if you're driving down a highway and a deer runs out in front of you.

I haven't given all that much thought to what God delights in. Sure there's some obvious passages like Isaiah 58 or even children that might suffice as answers, but I've never really spent time in prayer asking God to show me what He delights in.

For the next few days I'm going to be intentional about setting aside prayer time to just ask God what He delights in, then to sit and listen.

Maybe this is what the line "joy of the Lord" really means, understanding what brings God joy, and having our delights transformed to match his.

Post Internship Update

Hard to believe I’m not a CCF intern anymore, or presently with CCF, after 5 years of my life consisting of such. Still adjusting to thinking of the internship in the past tense. Work’s been good, seem to be excelling there, and I can see myself advancing given enough time.

 Picking up extra shifts at work has helped tremendously, but I'm also seeing few opportunities to enjoy time with friends. I missed church this past Sunday which turned out to be a bigger deal than I would have first thought personally. I assumed I'd be able to make it up with some focused quiet time, but there's no substitute for real fellowship.

 I also really miss the staff, especially just praying together. I'd give an awful lot, just to visit the beach with somebody around sunset and just spend an hour praying together, which I was custom to do most of last summer. I am searching for a post college small group, but all I'm finding is a handful of other guys who are searching in vain for the same thing. Maybe this means us banding together and starting one ourselves.

 But in all this, I’m finding that even post internship, I’m faced with the need to rely more fully on God. I can turn to him for fellowship, turn to him in prayer and pour out my thoughts and emotions, and if I quiet my mind enough, I can hear him speak to me on them, and receive the advice and viewpoints I need to make sense of life as I know it currently.

 Let me also be clear. I may not vocationally be in ministry, but I’m continuing to study, and grow more in knowledge and in God’s word. I’m praying about beginning discipleship with a friend of mine who recently moved to the area from Oklahoma, and I intend to continue to make God famous in however many ways I can until I can return to ministry full time.

P.S. Expect thoughts later this week on some of my recent quiet times including why I meditate better on a beach overlooking the ocean