Thursday, May 7, 2009

Summer Plans

As I type this, I've just completed my last exam, wrapped up my junior year. In two days, I'll be heading home for the summer. Looking back, here's how I've changed.

I tore my ACL almost a year ago in Dearborn. God has since gotten my heart, and the chance to show me the power of prayer. "His strength is made perfect in weakness."

Many prayers finally came answered this year. Adam made the decision to be baptized! The campus ministries came togegether for two weeks of prayer. And now we have a permanent prayer room! "In the last days I will pour out my spirit..."

Philadelphia, people in Greenville, those considered the "least of these" I consider the greatest. Because despite their hardships, they see more of God's love every day, and somehow they praise Him. Makes my praise seem almost worthless.

I've matured a lot over this past year as well. Granted I became more random, such as the squirreling. And I seem to come out of no where from time to time with revelations of burdens, and struggles. I still have a hard time opening up, and letting others in, with being transparent. But I also seem to care more about whats going on with others than with myself, and so I've taken more time to listen than to speak.

To you, my readers I say this. Don't stop at my shell. I invite you to crack me open. To ask questions you may not know anwers to. To dig in deep, because I do keep some stuff under the surface. A couple of close friends have been able to do this. I say this, because I'm not likely to take you there otherwise. Shame, and pride will hold me back.

I still have a few things I'm working through, but I know that I am loved. And I'm placing God more as #1 in my life. Now I don't crave attention as much as I used to. Now I don't become as depressed as before. I still disengage from time to time to think and reflect, but ultimately I'm seeking not to be such a loner, and to include others, and draw from others.

And at this point, I'm more at peace than I have been in a while. "Inexpressible peace."

I've arrived to the point, of needing summer vacation. Academically my brain is fried right now. Spiritually, I'm holding steady, but my use of the sword has grown somewhat dull. I see before me, some of what God has called me to do, but my heart needs to re-examine the why. I need to take time to be refilled with His compassion for all that He is doing.

I'm going to become a little bit of a monk this summer. Be spending heavy time in the word, in prayer, and letting God come inside to the caves I rarely dare to admit exist inside of me. Going to do some spiritual wandering, be in a "desert" of sorts. May he sharpen my mind, break down my heart, give me fresh eyes, and ears. Teach me to lay down, the things of this world.

My inclination at this point is to say all this in order to say that when I return I'll be ready to serve as a Campus Catalyst for prayer next year. To serve on Core, lead 2:42, meet 1-1, be active in Greenville and reaching out to my family. But God did not intend for me to bear these burdens alone.

And that alone now that I think about it, may be the biggest revelation I need to meditate on all summer...

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